The KINGDOM of Death, there HUMANITY was put to scorn

" I cant say it is love I have to offer - and it isnt love I want. It is something much more impersonal and harder - and rarer."

There was silence, out of which she said: " You mean u dont love me?"

She suffered furiously, saying that.

"Yes, if u like to put it like that. Though perhaps that isnt true. I dont know. At any rate, I dont feel the emotion of love for you - no, and I dont want to. Because it gives out in the last issues. At the very last, one is alone, beyond the influence of love. There is a real impersonal me, thats beyond love, beyond any emotional relationship. So it is with you. BUt we want to delude ourselves that love is the root. It isnt. It is only the branches. The root is beyond love, a naked kind of isolation, an isolated me, that does not meet and mingle, and never can."
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Better die than live mechanically a life that is a repetition of repetitions. To die is to move on with the invisible. To die is also a joy, a joy of submitting to that which is greater than the known; namely, the pure unknown. That is a joy. BUt to live mechanized and cut off within the motion of the will, to live as an entity absolved from the unknown, that is shameful and ignominious. There is no ignominy in death. Death is never a shame. Death itself, like the illimitable space, is beyond our sullying.

Tomorrow was Monday. Monday, the beginning of another school week! Another shameful, barren school week, mere routine and mechanical activity. WAs not the adventure of death infinitely preferable? Was not death infinitely more lovely and noble than such a life? A life of barren routine, without inner meaning, without any real significance. How sordid life was, how it was a terrible shame to the soul, to live now! How much cleaner and more dignified to be dead! One could not bear any more of this shame of sordid routine and mechanical nullity. One might come to fruit in death. One could look out on to the great dark sky of death with emotion, as one had looked out of the classroom window as a child, and seen perfect freedom in the outside...

Whatever life might be, it could not take away death, the inhuman transcendent death. Oh, let us ask no questions of it, what is or is not. To know is human, and in death we do not know, we are not human. And the joy of this compensates for all the bitterness of knowledge and the sordidness of our humanity. In death we shall not be human, and we shall not know. The promise of this os our heritage, we look forward like heirs to their majority.
D H. Lawrence
Women In Love~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Typing this was different from reading it. If anything it made me realise how close this sounds. I never thought of death this way. Grand, perfect death. Look forward to it. Embrace it. Will u.

Now I see why he couldnt find a publisher for 3 years...Thank god it got published.

I couldnt finish the book. Wouldnt. Think I read enough, I read enough to satisfy, justify picking up this one. So I am moving on to the dark lords in Harry's world now. Back with u...


So...3 days without work and guess what. I kinda miss it. The mechanicality of it, the routine-ness of it, the dreadfulness of it. The way feeling pissed with it engulfs ur poor mind u cant possibly think anything except the end of it. ANd when the end of it arrives u cant think anything except why u arent happy. Not yet. Not yet.

So, did everything I wanted > Monday with Mich, hey gurl that pigging out shit is not gonna happen again k. nEvER. Tuesday with Ling, cycling is as usual the best. Snake encounter and weird singing guy was cool. Lunchin with xiao long baos were cool. Ard the world in 80 days wasnt. Wednesday, which is tdy was cool. Badminton with Miss Portugal and Miss Malaysia was cool. Miss Spain was ME. =) I was the overall champ. Arent I? I am. Yeah spiderman was cool. Eventhough notion of love keeps getting thrown here and there. So days are as days should be. But i dunno.....Maybe its that PA report I havent wrote. Will get down to it and shall see the way it goes. Be good.