Firsts

I remember vaguely that ard this time (end of the year) for the previous two years, I was in this state of stagancy and confusion...I couldnt use anything to mark my days of the year, as though the best and worst events that can happen and will ever happen to me have already occurred and nothing can ever make me feel again. Articulating it this way makes u think that I suck. I recognize it now...I suck. But I think at that point it was exactly how I subconsciously felt about things. Although I jolly well know that I've been through nothing and everything is so happening for me. At that point you just din care. I was trying to forget someone. And I was replaying all the scenes. Other times I was trying to remember too much, I was retracing my steps and neglecting my destination. I was just going thru the motions, like a zombie. Everything was like flashlights. They're just clouding at ur mind.

But this year is different. Retrospectively I think I had it good. Something about this year changed. Something in me occurred. Just surfaced. Appeared. And I dunno what this thing is...the thing is....I just know its good. And u probably dun see or know the difference. BUt its there. It doesnt mean that in a year I've evolved and I'm gonna love life and be jolly from now on. It doesnt mean that becoz good things happened I've overcome my doubts and forgotten every pain I had. It just means...I dunno. Its like I've been head down and trying to drown myself somehow and now I want to let my head come out from the water. I am able to breathe again. Something like that. Ha. U're lost arent u. I think I'm beginning to learn abt self. =) I think I am starting to allow things to matter.

So. This time last year, Chew and I were walking down the street lights in town on New Year's eve. Just watched a movie or sth and went to cafe cartel to eat some awesome ice cream. I still remember exactly how it tasted. I asked her for her BEST LIST of 2003. You know, the BEST things of the year. We named our personal BEST song of the year, BEST purchase of the year, BEST new friend made, BEST movie, BEST moment...And then the fireworks unexpectedly appeared right infront of us...just outside PS. Just as we finished our ice-cream and walked out of cartel...And for the few minutes we stood in awe of the spectacle of it all...absorbing that moment. And then I felt so happy. And I felt like I was bursting like the fireworks....BOOM!~ The next thing I said to chew was :"You know what? I want a digicam for next year! Am so gonna get one!~"

And I still don't have one. Thing is. You dun need it. Good things are imprinted in ur mind. You trying to capture it in print will only discount your presence in that moment...

OKAY. SO. YOU READY FOR MY LIST? =) This year was great partly coz its the year of many FIRSTS. When was the last time u did things for the first time? Well...I did it throughout the damn year!~ HA. It doesnt have to be anything fantasically great. Every first counts.

___IN 2004-I HAD MY FIRST:___
1. Charity carnival *helped to make it happen!~
2. National Day Parade
3. Poem
4. Blog
5. COncert - Black Eye Peas
6. RA movie - The Dreamers
7. Snorkelling trip
8. Experience with strippers in a 21st b-day party
9. Crush on a male tutor (In gurl schs, all male teachers were either married or gay)
10. Yoga lesson
11. Piece on piano (OKAY, wont exactly call it a piece.But its gonna happen)
12. Wisdom tooth extraction
13. Magarita
14. Jazz CD

You thinking about ur year yet? =)