There's no design for life

Watcha wanna be when u grow up?

Say... fourth day at work and i am zooming into a year later, looking past time and seeing myself in this place i won't wanna be if i had a choice. In case u dunno what i'm saying (which is happening alot more now as i lose my ability to articulate), i'd be graduating a yr later. And i'd be toss towards the sea of unknown...the deep deep sea with loads of creatures with different abilities to survive. Some cheat, some slack & haf it easy, some struggle, some get caught in the fisher man's web and never finds direction....which darn creature would i be?

According to my Dad (whom i think has an absolutely myopic view on life), life is basically abt making the right decisions. That involves choosing to study hard, so as to secure a good paying job, and to marry a damn good husband, buy a damn good house, and thats abt it. Actually to him, that's all there is to it. He never read any of my writings really. So if he ever sees this... in fact i hope he does. Coz i find it so hard to tell him what i think. He is not seeing where i'm coming from. And this gap we have is so darn deep we've buried ourselves in it, and it'd take so much to go back to where we started. I forgive u for not being the dad i wish u could be, and i pray u forgive me for not being the daughter u wish i would become.

I refuse to believe that life's about making the right choices. I know its abt making decisions. But we shouldnt be obsessed with choosing the right one. Tell me u agree with me. Tell me a single mother with an adopted child leads an equally fulfilling life as an obedient wife with 2 children and a loving husband. Tell me i can make any decisions i want and it'd lead me to where i wanna be. As long as i know where i wanna be.

Its a start =) coz i know where i dun wanna be. The more i live life the more i know myself and what i like and dun like. I'm more stubborn in a way, i'm less compromising. Ok i have never been compromising.

Thing is i am so scared to find out that what he said is true, that when my life is imperfect by the time i grow up, i'd look at those perceived perfect pple ard me and blame it on the decisions i made. My family taught it that way. You get so afraid of making mistakes that every step u take becomes a mistake in itself just becoz u're so unsure of you....

There...did u know that pple work 1/3 of their lives? Wow. How are we supposed to find meaning in living if we hate our jobs. God. Pray that i never ever stay in a job i hate.

I almost smell the staleness of working life...how its gonna be like if we lose sight.

I've been askin my friends this question : Whats the 5 things in life thats worth living for.

I know... that can be a dumb question. Life's a gift. And as long as u are alive, oughta be thankful and embrace it. It aint forever and the clock is ticking.

But its precisely becoz of the fact that it'd end that we must know what we're living for. Truth is, maybe we don't ever live for ourselves. What would i be without all the actors in my life. I can't act myself. In a way i live for u. We act in each other's play and together we make a difference in the ending of each play..... i hope i made urs good.

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances:
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
As You Like It

Yes Jo...i still have the bookmark u bought back from stratford =)