fuckmyday

I dreamt of half filled swimming pools, with spiders dangling by it's circumference.
I feel so small so incompetent so powerless so whatever, I wonder how is it that you've yet to let me disappear. I'm begging you to make me invisible. Maybe once per week. How abt that?

I ask you first to stay with me only if ur day died in a mess. You know, blood spurting all over and stuff. I ask u further to forgive me for what u're abt to read. I swear I dun usually do this. It'd probably be one of those entries I delete in time to come. I still have to say it though. Otherwise the stupidity won't hit me. And I'll suffer internal bleeding.

I'm just under this thing. I dunno its manifestations. It's coming all over. It's blooming multiplying proliferating in my brain. It's nonchalence perturbs me. And each time it hits, sth in head explodes. Each task becomes harder. Heavier. The left-overs from the explosions. Its like this misty dark dirty flithy grey clouds hanging hovering all over. Its not a sponge no more. Brain. Cloud. Rain. Vapour. Vapour. The pressure.

And your words. Why did u have to say so many? They were swallowed by the air particles, I didnt get any. It's like I suddenly decided to go deaf. I catch fragments of ur speech as I watch the shapes form, come out from between your lips. No sounds. I swear. There was no sound!

And you. You stupid Mcflurry shit. You make me sick. Oreo warriors roam about in my stomach carrying pointy weapons. Must as well drop me the bomb. Puke. I need to puke.

Why did you have to do her poems? I've heard them already. I walk out of your class, just like how Plath screams through her poems. Fuck her for wanting so much to die. Why did she have to think of dying as her art. I don't think you will ever smile at me again.

And I dont get it. Why the fuck I can't deal with simple little things. Why I have to do marshmallows for brains.

I just wanna be angry with the world
I just wanna dismiss my existence
Brush away those banal obligations
Then you can bask in my disappearence

O dont even say it.

Fuck ice cream.