Sometimes. U're not as strong as u think u are.

And yea. I know what u're thinking. U're not as u weak as u are either.

You see. I beginning to think u really have a plan for all of us. Be it tragic or bittersweet. Be it wasted opportunities or blessed surprises.

Just like how u planned for Robinsons to employ me after loads of people prolly rejected them. Just like how u plan for me to wear stripped pants to work and then have to change to ah mah pants for the entire day just because - u cannot wear this. Just like how u made Adel's shoes just a lil too tight for me and made those blisters. Then u planned for those customers to come at 10.15pm just when I'm supposed to knock off to make it difficult for me. Just like how u make those sizes disappear suddenly when the customers want THAT size. Just like how u made the store manager scold me for not steaming the trousers and me not having the guts to rebuke the fact that I forgot becoz it swarmed customers. You planned also for all the promoter staff to take their work as a piece of cake. You planned for me to see the other half of the world and how they work. U planned for them to talk to me in chinese. ITE, O levels, Poly.

There IS a difference. I'm not saying its a good or bad difference. All I'm trying to say is he might really just have a plan for each and everyone of us. And you'll never appreciate ur plan coz u dun know the other's.

Anyway back to what u so carefully plotted. U planned for the glass near the steamer to overlook the rest of cityhall. U planned for me to look out there when I was steaming ugly trousers this morning, see people running for shelter when the rain fell, u planned for me to feel so isolated from the world at that moment. U made me think that thought in my mind. That scary scary thought that you should have forbidden anyone from thinking.

Then u planned for me to come home and feel that thought surface again. U planned that din u. Din u? Well. Very brillant I should say. How u made Adel miss that double L in DISHWALLA so that she can't check my results for me in the morning. Was that suppose to be a surprise? And then.

You gave me a first class. I know. I'm suppose to be bragging if I place it here. BUt u see. This is precisely the reason why FIRST CLASS is FIRST CLASS. U get it so pple look at u different. Its precisely becoz so many pple want and work hard for it that u also feel like having it too. So that u have sth that pple dun. That makes u happy. Doesnt it? So that when pple ask u, u look them in the eye and not on the floor and say --- yea. I got a first class.

But hang on. What does it mean to u? First class what? First class life?

Getting it is nothing if no one feels happy for u. I find the need to tell u. That the only satisfaction that comes from it, is the admiration that pple associate it with. Its external. Nothing from within. Nothing.

**
You planned it too eh. For my best fren to ask me abt it this morning. And then for me to msg her to tell her what it was. And then for her to sound so darn happy for me that I'm happy, not coz of it, but coz she was happy. How many more pple does it take to be happy for u before u become happy with urself?

U planned for the first person I told - My bro, to have no reaction whatsoever. Thank u very much. Why does it even matter so much to me? Damn

**
AND the next plan u have for me....I'm waiting to see it. Come quick. Tell me. Am I gonna hang or am I gonna quit? Am I gonna get vains on my legs just like what she has all over her knees? Whats a first class doing at a sales store? Why is it that I feel it a necessity for u to know what i've achieved so u can stop judging me as a girl. Why is it that after this I feel I shouldnt take ur shit?

Yea. I am first class. Don't u DARE give me shit.

No. No. No. I'm there for the money. $450. When u're in their place u play by their rules. Never good at playing.

And no. I am NOT only 16 damn it.

Please dun plan me empty.