swim

I'd like to declare my undying love for the sea
I like the way it scares me to bits
It pushes me away from the life that I lead
Shuns everything except the blue in front of me
Throws me apart, puts me in peace
In there, land won't be where I wanna be

Actually do u really envy the fishes who swim for a living?
Or would u rather the birds who fly for a living?
The birds can see the sea but the fishes can't see the sky.

Rite. Bro says this is stupid. He envies himself. Even when he cant fly or swim. He proposes that I ask u this: Whats the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

Uh huh ... whats the difference

TaDa!-- A mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito. =) Heh. My bro rocks. Double you tee eff.

Qualified

I'm a qualified school gurl
I'm a qualified RA movie watcher
I'm a qualified class 3 driver
I'm a qualified blood donor
I'm a qualified caller 4 those donation shit
Gonna be a qualified accountant
I'm a qualified 14 year old's sister
I'm a qualified human being
We all are qualified losers

Gonna hang out with May and Jo this week before I turn to a stone.
Pray pray shower love

Stigmatized

I've got 15 minutes to type what I want you to know
Only I will just tell you what I want you to know
Only U can't possibly think you know what I wanna tell
Am stigmatized

Theo  

For AnyoNe wHo DaRes To LivE iN thEiR dReAmS

whoo hooo!~ Lets get down to business. Am 21. Since yesterday. Will learn to make choices for self and no one else. Its time. Shame on u if ur still merely going throught the motions. U gotta feel the motion. Like a motion picture. Still a full of crap 21. I choose to watch a porn flick and skip Jo's birthday party! Well done!~Btw Jo, May remembered ur birthday and she asks me to wish u well. =P

I took a step yesterday, all this about liking to write, its time to show me whether I can deal words more than numbers. I pray to God its not just ficklemindedness.

So so so!~Leenu treated me high tea @ Mandrin Hotel yesterday. Awesome stuff!~ Rotating floor, 39th floor....=) O btw, the croissant still tasted good this morning!
Thankiew babe!~

Before we went for the movie I was texting May and guess what!~? She was watching the same damn movie in the same damn theatre!~ Whoo Hoo!~ Know for sure she'd be out with some butch. Bingo. Fate was with us.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
" I don't believe in God. If he exist he'd be a black lefthanded guitarist."

The flim makes being a movie buff prestigious. Afterall the story revolves around it. Maybe someone who love and live movies feed more on their dreams, retreat into its world, live like dreamers. Aww..the reviews say Director Bernardo Bertolucci is a dirty old man!~ I say he's an intelligent dirty old man! " Tale of an American flim buff in the tumultuous Paris of 1968 and his friendship with a seemingly-incestuous pair of twins is softcore pornography dressed up with uneven intellectual preening...."

Theo and Isabelle are the twins, they live in a huge house where they feed on their dreams. They invite their new mate Matthew(the american) to stay in their house and the game begins!~ They enact scenes from classic movies. Forfeit if you cant guess the title that its from. Only the forfeit is unorthodox, none like u've ever seen before. Theo dares the pair to make love in front of him, as they were gettin hot he proceeded to fry some eggs...

They talk movies, Chaplin and Keaton, the vietnam war, violence, God...Theo and Matthew has contradicting opinions, yet identical affection for Isabelle. Obviously the twins were the dreamers. They choose to shun the external world. " From outside looking in, such that you forget ur also part of it.."

I guess it doesnt matter that in the end they wouldn't heed Matthew's logic. They were dreamers. And they fight for their dreams.

Like Theo the best. He could really act, he acts like how a rocker rocks a band. Cool. Distant. Indifferent. Yes, even when he masturbates in front of his favorite picture of Marlene Dietrich.

"A petition is a poem, and a poem is a petition."

Clubbing Woes

Maybe its u growing into ur age, mAYbe its the club not playing music ur way. LoVed being lost in the music, Let your mind groove with the beat. Rhythm thumping, feel ur heart beating. Close ur eyes, go ahead and just lose it.

OnLy afTer a while it gets boring, the music's not doing its trick, DJ's not doing his bit. Wonder why ur shaking ur booty. Aye, at least it burn calories. The crowd sets in, pple get pushy. U realise the only thing u can move is ur head. And u wish that guy'd stop stepping on ur leg. U stop moving to let someone pass, someone wet ur shoulders holding that glass. GUys who are too cool to say excuse me, u spin ur head around to spot another good looking he.

When you call my name, its like a little prayer. I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there.

Wait to feel that buzz in ur head, queasy feeling right through ur messy brain. You stagger through the dark stairway, cringe at the smell of puke down the hallway. U go home to wash tt smoke in ur hair, drink milk to soothe that gruff voice u suddenly have. U rest ur tired dry eyes, wake up indifferent to another moment of sunlight.

Choose

Been thinking abt some of the choices I made in life. Seems to me that maybe life's really just abt making the right choices. That was what Dad said. Someone teach me the art of making the right choices. How can u ever be sure that its right?

" You have to ask yourself -- Whats the thing I'd love to do most in the world, and then u have to do it. " -----------StucK oN yOU

I wanna do Yoga. I wanna have fun cooking.

I saY choices are traps. They make u think ur bound to one thing after u choose it. U feel obliged to make do with it. One mistake and ur stopped in dead tracks. Whole new game u start to plaY. Only u played so hard to win u forgot what made u play it. Its so important to know what u want. Its so important to dare to go for it.

I told my Dad what I want. Poor him. He'd never see where I'm coming from. No one can see it but me. Coz its no one else but me, to stand tall at the end and said I did what I did.

Its good to romanticize ur dreams. Come on...please let me dare to dream.

Could u ever plan ur life. Just to make sure u didnt miss anything before u die.

Bro

My bRo rocks.

He was chanting this last night...."Small pple small pple small pple...."

He said the world's filled with small pple. His world. Friends worrying abt small little things that they shouldnt be obsessed abt. Stupid relationship problems etc...He said he meet someone online who's the best person he ever met. This 25 year old gurl who's a big person. Not small pple. And he wished he had her as a sis.

He told me abt school and lit tdy, a poem his teacher shared.

------- Leisure --------

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare. W.H. Davies

GUyS

-------------------------------------------------
It's empty. Bare like no one else's.
It's hollow. Right deep into the shell.
U know, I'm scared, scared as hell.
But u still can't tell. I won't say it to anyone else.
I'd scream and ask for help. But no. I don't want your help.
So I hide it like everyone else.
Pray, please find me soon.
Take me under your wings.
Tell me it's filled.
Tell me that I could ask and never be refused...
-------------------------------------------------
Wrote that last night. On my phone.

U know, its much easier to feel that life is moving on when u write it. Blog it. MAybe its just for me but when it's not down on paper I tend to forget what I did. What happened. And that scares me...Dun wanna live a life with nothing. I know u say there are memories. But memories are distorted. After a while u change details subconsciously, so that they'd be like how u want them to be...

MOnDaY was cool. Went cycling with HuiLing and then we watched Brotherhood...was shiok coz the last time I cried was for Brad Pitt in Troy. Lalala..but the same damn questions went thru my mind...everytime I watch a war related movie. U know those GP questions like is war ever justified....And I was thinking...if there was no man in the world, only women. Will there ever be war? Bro thinks so. But he couldnt back it up. I think there wont be. Women won't fight to die. Or will we.

So we went town and I saw Adel's friend sitting comfortably with a gal at Lips. And thing is he told Adel he was going out with is mum?!~ Hmm...unless his mum has long shiny rebonded hair and looks 16? Yeah...=) GUys rock.

Then Huiling & I bought a series of things. Bought sth for Jo..think she'll like it. And it was cool coz Huiling has the heeren card so we went ard accumulating points and getting discounts. Love my RoXy top?!~ And yeah... Retail therapy laR.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
TUeSday. Which is tdy we went to play badminton at my house with Lets see...Adel(miss portugal) and STeven(mR must-win), RonaLd(Adel's bf), and another guy I forgot his name? Lets call him Mr Player. Coz he obviously was the best player. So..I dunno the guys well la. And i kinda hate playing with strangers coz I cant fool ard and be myself. So the game started and two of the guys were ex-badminton players so its like..ok now who serves?!~Must change place?!~? BLeah. HAte that. And I get pissed with guys who are competitive. I mean...its ok if ur competitive but dun ask me to be? Coz i'm not. At least not when i'm playing leisurely...BleaH. So i got used to it... RonaLd smacking at me and stuff. But I think I had some good shots too..which he couldnt catch coz he cant run(but he can slide).

So, I was really impressed with Mr Player coz he handles his racket real well..just like a cook with the frying pan. It was amazing to watch. And though he din always get the shots he din make a big fuss out of it. ANd the best thing abt him was that he din think women were weak. weLL maybe he did but he definitely din show it. Like u know. SOme guys are forever sayin--ok..shall not smack u incase u cry, won't give u low balls incase u cant get it. Like damn it?!~ Just gimme any ball u want?
Just give us credit when credit's due...

Hmm....so thats feminism for ya. I got to know that Mr Player is one yr older than me and is getting married. Baby's due at the end of the year. =)

p/s:Thanks for the photoframe and earrings Adel!~ U should go Bangkok more!~ Just remember to tell me abt it!~ hahaha next time i shall go with u. And one more thing..I know I dun show it at all but I think ur man rocks. =P

~~REDANG~~

````````````````````````````````````````````
I swam with the fishes in the sea
I connected with people I've never seen
I put my bare feet in the finest sand
I scorched myself in the brightest sun
I saw it rise and then bid it goodbye
Life never felt as good as this.....
````````````````````````````````````````````

BaReFeEtOnSaNd 

hmmm....I realised I sorta forgot how to type!~ =) Havent used the comp in 3 days.

I can't begin to tell u how my trip went!~ It's as though I dun wanna spoil the feeling in me by reducing it to words...OK. Alright. I'll try.

11th July 2004----NeW PeOPLe
```````````````
9.30 pm
We left Golden Mile after gathering all the 12 of us. It's my second trip with friends. This time its a little different coz only Chew was my close friend. Last trip was with 2 good friends. So it felt a little like orientation trip or sth. Only knew abt 4 other gurls, from NTU. And well..the rest were new pple!~ Only this time, they turn out to be pretty amazing pple. Got introduced to Seirye's bf and he thought I was ALicia's younger sister!~ Amazing stuff. Do I look young or what. Meet SErene's friend from EEE. Her name is YUPPIE!~ OK. It's Yabi. =) Cool name!~

Din get to sit with Chew. Decided to be generous and give her away to Alicia. Afterall. I pride myself as an independant woman. And to feed that pride, I also volunteered to sleep in with Wing, Seriye & Jun chao(her bf). Daunting.

And so our 10 hour journey begins. Amazing coach that Wing arranged for us. SEats were comfy and colorful. Just that neck ached after u rest for too long. I forgot what I did in that 10 hours. I either felt awfully bored or I mastered the art of entertaining self. Refrained from drinking water coz there were only 2 stop overs for peeing. Covered myself with my cloudy PJ and socks.(Pajamas was blue with clouds all over it) Brrrrr...It was actually really romantic travelling in the dark. Going away, to a far away place. I enjoyed my alone time. Listened to my CDs. Complied a greatest hits album for myself. Heh. And ofcoz listened to the CD that JUn XiAn burned for Chew. IMpressive coz he remembered to burn those songs I once sent him thru msn. SwEet! The best way to get a gurl is to get into her friend's good books.


12th July 2004
`````````````````
7.00 am
So ard this time we had to transit to Merang Jetty. Had my breakfast with unbrushed teeth and bad breath in this van with some flies. =) Had a brief introduction again to know everyone's names. So from here everything was done in a daze. Coz obviously sleep wasnt good. Somewhere along the journey bus driver got enthusiastic and started travelling at superb speed. Was bumped out of my sleep. BRooMMmmm SHoooOSh WHooooSH...yeah thats the sound of the coach making swift deadly turns. Was busy saving my bag from tumbling over.

We reached the Jetty real early and the darn Ferry wasnt gonna arrive till an hour later. Damn the driver for speeding!~ So we spent some time walkin ard the shops along the roads. They all sold the same stuff. Apparently they were into Nemos. Yeah. They were all over the place. Nemo soft toys, Nemo keychains. Nemo T shirts. Bought stuff for my friends. Chew has the amazing ability to NOT buy any stuff. =)

I forgot the time the Ferry arrived but it did laR and we begun the journey of sea viewing. The ferry cuts the crystal clear sea water. U look down the sides of the ferry from ur seat and u see the pressure the ferry's making, splashes look just like milk and u reach ur hand down to touch it. Taste the salt at ur fingers. Sea breeze blew over our oily faces and u marvel over the enigma of the endless sea. Its deep, it's so sparkling clear u c layers of blue in it. Only its scares u coz u cant see what lies beneath. SometiMes u see some little islands with these little houses...they look just like a picture...they're saying WeLcome to the Planet....WeLcome to existence....


FreeBlowJob 

REDANG --- Swiming with the fishes

12th July 2004 DaY 1
`````````````````
12.00pm

After all the Oooooos and AAHhhhs upon arrival, we checked ourselves into our rooms. Ours was the cheapest so we only had this big fat rock covering our entire balcony. No view. But who cares!~ Only spent a few hours in it. No time was wasted...we headed down to the restaurant and had our buffet lunch. Had a good variety of food. But din eat too full, dun wanna puke when snorkelling.

SO our first snorkelling trip begun. I forgot where we went but I believe we took a ferry out to the deeper part of the sea and put on our snorkelling gear. NOt an excellent swimmer so was kinda freaked. We're in the middle of the colossal sea! Had a while to get used to breathing thru mouth and everything was smooth from there. A malay guide brought us ard with a float. Heh. Me and Chew merely did some kicking and we moved along swiftly. After a while ur fear was taken over by the breathtaking view right before ur eyes. And the serenity stops anything running thru ur mind. So we saw what lies beneath. We visited the fishes' home, and they welcomed us proudly.


MeSnOrkELs 

We were foating for abt 2 hours. GUide wasnt fluent in English and only Chew could understand him. We all think he has the hots for her. He was amazing. Sometimes he'd dive right into the water and bring up some sea urchins & this shell like creature that gives out trails of mucus.


cHeW sAys--I'm.HoT.&.uR.nOt 

We were merely moving along when some gurl excitedly called out to us. She had found Nemo in the big big sea and had it in her hands. We touched it's skin and did our OOoooos and Ahhhsss =) Din see her ard after that, but that look on her face was priceless.


FoundNemo 

4.30pm---PrInCe hArRy & OthEr SiGhT sEeiNg
After we returned to shore we chilled out in our swim wear on the beach. Sat down on one of the benches with umbrellas to suntan. Spotted cute Prince Harry look alike & decided to stare at him and his gurl sun tanning. Wanted to know the time & dared Chew to ask him for it. Chew dared me back & I did it!~ Heh Heh. He was just right in front. And with his raspy voice he was more then happy to show & tell me the time. =) Chew wasn't too happy abt having to treat me Crystal Jade... After which spotted a blond babe and on closer look, heh heh we discovered she was doing some nude sun bathing!~JuN cHaO quickly asked for his specs. Seirye was obsessively applying sunblock over every possible part of her body =)Played a bit of beach volley and then washed up for dinner. Thing is, all of us probably overpacked coz the only piece of clothing we always wore was our swim wear! No clothes were needed. We were parading ourselves in it for the entire time!~ In the restaurant, in the lobby, anywhere!~ Ha, Seirye and I got used to it after a while.

7.00 pm
Dinner was cool. Had the opportunity to get accquainted with new pple. Conversation was never stale and I discover amazing things from these pple. Turns out its Yuppie's third time there!~ I wonder what's in the island that made her come again and again. To me this place is only good once.

9.00 pm
Was kinda jaded after dinner. They decided to go KTV and we all flaunted our vocal talents. Except me ofcoz. I'm chipmunk on KTV. Started to get really tired so I retreated to room first. They went to check out luminous turtle eggs. Missed out on that one. Ooooo JuN cHaO den discovered some hairs on his bed. Details are too disgusting for my blog. Caused quite a stir & he had to share bed with Seirye for two nights!~Refused to see whats up with his bed...

REDANG---wAtch it RisE & Bid gOodbYe

13th July 2004 DaY 2
````````````````````````````````````
7.30am
mY biological clock woke me up then. Had a good night's sleep. Undisturbed. No snoring heard. We prepared for breakfast and then set out for the second snorkelling trip at Marine Park. Saw different things like the Groupie, which is this fish that looks round and puffy and grumpy. Saw the Eel too. But we were all a little tired of snorkeling, especially for Chew after she suffered fatal attacks at her nose and mouth from my kicks. =P

12.00pm
We went back to change and then prepared for lunch. Everyone decided to skip the third snorkelling trip and snorkel near the shore area by ourselves instead. Since we have the gears. More of the now sun burned Prince Harry spying goes on and I discovered that he was actually there with his family.=) Which means gurl wasnt Gurlfren but probably little sister. Heh.

2.30pm
So we were back with the 3S again. The 12 of us split up.Wing & the rest went to discover the other side of the island on foot while we played ard the water somemore, get scorched under the handsome sun. Jun Chao turned out to be a devoted snorkeller! He is constantlt snorkelling!~ No chilling out on e bench for him. Group decided on a island tour on a personal ferry and a sunset cruise. Meanwhile we discovered some amazing stuff we could do in the water. Like how u can actually sit on the life jacket & still float in water! Was the most fun having Seirye push me on my feet as I float along. Was just simple plain fun. Didn't know I could still have that. Seirye has the theory of seizing every possible second in the trip to do things u would never do in Spore. And that gurl suggested we not sleep that night and watch the sunrise at 5 am the next day!I obediently agreed but secretly know that plan will flop. Wanna sleep!~ And we did.

5.00pm----tHe FAsTesT baThinG sQuaD
Our cruise starts at 5.l5 pm and we were still in our swim wear! Coz Wing has the key and we couldnt wash up in our room! Damn! Wing finally came and we rushed back to shower. Me, Seirye, Jun chao and Wing managed to nab the fastest bathing squad award once again for our speedy showering skills!~ With only one bathroom, one toliet(that comes along with a hose) and a sink, all four of us managed to shower within 15 minutes!!! And NO. SEirye and Jun ChAo DIDN't shower together. =)

5.15pm----SuNsEt CruiSE, mY sLiPPeR fLeW


SunsetCruise 

Our cruise started and it was another hair-blowing-over-face experience. Scenary was awesome and we clicked away. Discreetly we picked up some sea shells while waiting for sun to set. Kinda regret bringing them back coz they look prettier where they belonged. Wont remove them again. Oooooo and here comes the most exciting thing that happened in the trip!! U know how u need to transfer urself to the shore from the cruise and sometimes u need to cross over from one cruise to another? HA...my slipper fell off the cruise when I was crossing over. Heh. It din drop into the sea thank god (Its this Roxy slippers Mich gave me for my Birthday) but it fell just at the edge of the cruise. =) I got it back ofcoz. But everyone gAsPed for a moment. heh heh... was funny.


wObBLy FloAt!~ 

7.30pm
Were all famished by the time we returned and filled our stomach with BBQ style buffet dinner. Dawned on me that it was the last night. =( WE started strolling along the beach with the dark sky filled with stars. Walking barefoot on the sand was great. Sand doesnt hurt at all. It's like walking on powder. Forgot to take a moment to lie on the sand and just stare at the stars till they drop. And drop it did!~ Was talking to Alicia when stoning Chew spotted a shooting star!~

9.00pm----nEwBi YaBi
Bought T shirt with turtles for 5 bucks for self and we walked further to this pub that was playing some good music.(that's until we arrived and they decided we look like we enjoy canto pop)After which, I realised that I left my T shirt at the Hammock that i swinged on. Heh, Yuppie was so kind to offer to walk back with me. =) BeinG forgetful turned out to be the best trait to have coz I got the chance to know Yuppie. Ok. Yabi. For the record she spots short tom boyish hair(but wears a bikini),is 24(but looks 16)is tanned and sporty looking,dead cool and hilarous too!~ So I showed her my plastic bag dance and all. Ha. She loves sports. Hope she lives an amazing life.
She brought us ard the villa resorts that were build on rocks so high u haf a birds eye view of everything. Still cant figure why she'd come here thrice though. Was it worth the third trip?


yabi&Serene 

11.00pm----POkeR & BaCaRdI
Was back at the pub and we played this Indian poker game which Chew lost. And she did a dare with this guy on the dance floor. Heh. Was laughin at her but then it was my turn. Was playing some game I dunno the title of but it was cool. Had to drink though. Learned that Bacardi make u feel hot in the face, then in ur stomach. Yea...Din even lose but helped that very same guy with his dare. Then! Same guy again, he got a dare AGAIN and he pecked Serene on her cheeks la. Poor Serene?!~ Ha. Was fun watching though. Thought Serene was the ultimate loser (though all the gurls were the ones who had to drink the most)coz she couldnt refrain from saying "I" and "You".hahahah which was a rule of the game.

14th July 2004 DaY 3
`````````````````````````````````````
12.00am
After all that drinking we strolled back to our resort in the dark. Mind was very fuzzy wassy and I couldnt walk straight. Had to sing to self to concentrate. And although I was walking on sand, it looked weird. Sight was distorted and it looked like I was walking on chicken wings.....many chicken wings lined up all over....haahhah had to look up and try not to think abt it. Chew thought I was crazy. huR!~

1.30am----PrIncE hArrY HooKs Up WiTH BabE
On our way to room we saw Prince HArry sitting by the steps having a conversation with a caucasian gurl!~ Well she had black hair and we already spotted her yesterday due to the hotness she exudes. Looks like I've lost my chance!~ ha.
Took a shower and just happen to say outloud that I was gonna change my undies. =)Dun treat JuN cHAo like a man u see. So that sparked a series of Bra and Undies discussion through the night. Ahahahahh we laughed so hard I had trouble getting to sleep later.

5.00am---SuN RiSe
Slept at 3am and we woke up at 5am to wash up and prepare to go see the sun rise!~ The sun did rise but the sight was covered by elephant and poodle shaped clouds. Heh. But we, or rather me (being more artistically inclined) wrote our names on the sand and took pictures. Was worth it. Getting up early to say goodbye to the island.

7.00am
Had breakfast in a haste coz the ferry was leaving at 7.30!~ Yeah so we bid goodbye to the island on the ferry. Talked to Seirye throughout the journey and she can really talk!~ HAvent meet someone so chatty for a while. WaS real careful abt slippers. hA. So we sat on the coach back to spore and I let Chew sit with Alicia again coz I'm hopelessly sacrifical(thats what seirye always says abt herself--sheesh). Decided to ask group to pen down thoughts in my travel logbook. This book that Chew gave me. The gals did a good job but the guys were terribly boring. Some guy, oh yes that guy, left his phone number in it. Bleah. The men don't get it.

11.00pm----JoUrNeY hoMe
Lunch was early. Food was lousy at stop over locations. So were the toliets. Got used to flies. Prince Harry looked hopelessly bored with himself and he din eat much. Think he must haf hated the food. Poor thing!~Chew's spying abilities have reached professional standards. Ha. Its always fun to gossip abt targeted guy during a trip.

6.00pm
Din remember much abt journey except trees. Was singing to myself at some points of the journey in between falling in and out of sleep. Poor Wing had to listen to it. After diner we bought more foodstuff to munch on coach. Prince Harry changed seats and sat behing me!~?!@~?! Whoo hoo...but after dinner I felt awake. Started playing this singing game with chew and it totally cracked us up. ha. Turns out Prince Harry's real name is actually Peter. Thanks to Chew's eavesdroppin skills.

10.30pm
So ard then we bid goodbye to each other and I took one last look at Prince Peter. =)

And u know what? There's no questioning why Yabi will spent 60 hours of her lifetime travelling to paradise...who wouldn't?


byeFishyFishy 

Vindicated -- Dashboard confessional

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

---------------------------------------------

I think that guy almost said the song. But what a voice. =)

I slept for half an hour just now and had those dreams. This time all the places I once passed by meshed into one. All the people I knew in different stages of my life flashing across. It always happens when I'm gone for half an hour.

In those dreams u almost lived another life. U wonder if there's another u in another place, going through those motions...

So I went some places, got certain things done to prepare for my trip. I have this weird premonition that sth wrong is gonna happen. Apart from the possibility of getting bitten by sharks, drowning, or choking on food, or merely bursting into flames under the rays of the sun...=) I remember being excited on my last trip... aww man just wait and see what happens yeah.

My bro lost his wallet again. Along with it those important ezlink cards that pple now use to travel? yeah. ANd oh despite the fact that eversince school reopened he has been giving me that talk-to-my-hand attitude, I happen to see this fancy wallet and bought it for him. Am now going to bribe him to taping some shows while I'm away... LOVE TO LEAVE U BEHIND!~

The KINGDOM of Death, there HUMANITY was put to scorn

" I cant say it is love I have to offer - and it isnt love I want. It is something much more impersonal and harder - and rarer."

There was silence, out of which she said: " You mean u dont love me?"

She suffered furiously, saying that.

"Yes, if u like to put it like that. Though perhaps that isnt true. I dont know. At any rate, I dont feel the emotion of love for you - no, and I dont want to. Because it gives out in the last issues. At the very last, one is alone, beyond the influence of love. There is a real impersonal me, thats beyond love, beyond any emotional relationship. So it is with you. BUt we want to delude ourselves that love is the root. It isnt. It is only the branches. The root is beyond love, a naked kind of isolation, an isolated me, that does not meet and mingle, and never can."
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Better die than live mechanically a life that is a repetition of repetitions. To die is to move on with the invisible. To die is also a joy, a joy of submitting to that which is greater than the known; namely, the pure unknown. That is a joy. BUt to live mechanized and cut off within the motion of the will, to live as an entity absolved from the unknown, that is shameful and ignominious. There is no ignominy in death. Death is never a shame. Death itself, like the illimitable space, is beyond our sullying.

Tomorrow was Monday. Monday, the beginning of another school week! Another shameful, barren school week, mere routine and mechanical activity. WAs not the adventure of death infinitely preferable? Was not death infinitely more lovely and noble than such a life? A life of barren routine, without inner meaning, without any real significance. How sordid life was, how it was a terrible shame to the soul, to live now! How much cleaner and more dignified to be dead! One could not bear any more of this shame of sordid routine and mechanical nullity. One might come to fruit in death. One could look out on to the great dark sky of death with emotion, as one had looked out of the classroom window as a child, and seen perfect freedom in the outside...

Whatever life might be, it could not take away death, the inhuman transcendent death. Oh, let us ask no questions of it, what is or is not. To know is human, and in death we do not know, we are not human. And the joy of this compensates for all the bitterness of knowledge and the sordidness of our humanity. In death we shall not be human, and we shall not know. The promise of this os our heritage, we look forward like heirs to their majority.
D H. Lawrence
Women In Love~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Typing this was different from reading it. If anything it made me realise how close this sounds. I never thought of death this way. Grand, perfect death. Look forward to it. Embrace it. Will u.

Now I see why he couldnt find a publisher for 3 years...Thank god it got published.

I couldnt finish the book. Wouldnt. Think I read enough, I read enough to satisfy, justify picking up this one. So I am moving on to the dark lords in Harry's world now. Back with u...


So...3 days without work and guess what. I kinda miss it. The mechanicality of it, the routine-ness of it, the dreadfulness of it. The way feeling pissed with it engulfs ur poor mind u cant possibly think anything except the end of it. ANd when the end of it arrives u cant think anything except why u arent happy. Not yet. Not yet.

So, did everything I wanted > Monday with Mich, hey gurl that pigging out shit is not gonna happen again k. nEvER. Tuesday with Ling, cycling is as usual the best. Snake encounter and weird singing guy was cool. Lunchin with xiao long baos were cool. Ard the world in 80 days wasnt. Wednesday, which is tdy was cool. Badminton with Miss Portugal and Miss Malaysia was cool. Miss Spain was ME. =) I was the overall champ. Arent I? I am. Yeah spiderman was cool. Eventhough notion of love keeps getting thrown here and there. So days are as days should be. But i dunno.....Maybe its that PA report I havent wrote. Will get down to it and shall see the way it goes. Be good.

Women in love

" You think we ought to break up this life, just let start and let fly?" He asked.

" This life. Yes i do. We've got to bust it completely, or shrivel inside it, as in a tight skin. For it won't expand anymore."

"Tell me," said Birkin. " What do u live for?"

Gerald's face went baffled.

"What do I live for?" he repeated. " I suppose I live to work, to produce something, in so far as I am a purposive being. Apart from that, I live because I am living. "

" What do u think is the aim and objective of your life, Gerald?" He asked.

Again Gerald was taken aback. He could not think what his friend was getting at. Was he poking fun, or not?

" At this moment, I couldn't say off-hand," He replied, with flat ironic humour.

"Do u think to live is the be-all and end-all of life?" Birkin asked, with direction, attentive seriousness.

"Of my own life?" said Gerald.

"Yes."

There was a really puzzled pause.

" I can't say," said Gerald. " It hasnt been, so far."

" What have ur life been, So far?"

" Oh - finding out things for myself - and getting experiences - and making things go."

Birkin knitted his brows like sharply moulded steel.

" I find," he said, " that one needs some one really pure single activity - I should call love a single pure activity. But I don't really love anybody - not now."

"Have u ever really loved anybody?" asked Gerald.

"Yes and no," replied Birkin.

"Not finally?" said Gerald.

"Finally - finally - no," said Birkin.

"Nor I," said Gerald.

"And u want to?" said Birkin.

Gerald looked with a long, twinkling, almost sardonic look into the eyes of the other man.

"I don't know," he said.

"I do, I do want to love," said Birkin.

"You do?"

"Yes. I want the finality of love."

"The finality of love," repeated Gerald. And he waited for a moment...