Intimate Stranger

She said, Bet you're probably gonna say I look lovely. Bet you probably don't think nothing of me. She was right though. I cant lie. She's just one of those corners of my mind, and I'll just put her right back with the rest. Thats the way it goes, I guess.
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This one's for you.

Here's the thing. You know she isnt good for you. She's really just one of those corners of your mind, and you really should just put her right back with the rest.

Yet, you allowed her to open your unlatched door and even showed her right in.

Then there's this normalcy and manageable routine that you so faithfully live by. Those things that you do to keep you from the edge of insanity, those good people you surround yourself with, those who sometimes bore you to death. They keep you in the realm of safety. You wanna be in reality. You do Habits, Order, Predictability. You do Security.

False security?

Then there's her. You cling to her words like bees to honey. It's etched in your mind, you replay it as though on real time. She's one of those things you don't need, yet one of those things you cant deny. The feeling you can't define, yet cannot dismiss. The reason you want it so bad is coz you know you can't have. One of those things u'd never comprehend. You realise you talk a certain talk when you're with her. You look a different you when she's there. You smile, for her. You cry, for her. Everything is her. And it really doesnt make any sense.

And then it hits you. And it hurts like hell when you finally realise what you are to each other, probably the only thing you will ever be to each other. You and her, her and you. You're merely intimate strangers.

I'm thinking

...half of the things I've blogged on this place isnt what u wanna read.

I'm thinking...I'm not putting myself out there anymore. I'm keeping it in. You'd have to lure me out.

I'm thinking...sometimes u live for someone else. You become stronger and you wipe away those tears u cried for someone because of another someone else. You get up and re-do the simple easy things you used to do, like the act of placing one foot in front of another, like brushing your hair, like talking, like watching. You do it not because u want to. You do it coz that someone else expects you to. You'd be the living dead if there's no one else. Please be my someone. That someone else.

X mas

No. of X mas cards receieved: 4
No. of X mas presents receieved: 5
No. of X mas presents given: 7
Amt of alcohol consumed: 0
No. of minutes felt X mas was crap: 0
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Things to do to feel Christmas:

1. Buy some presents
2. Wrap them
3. Nod ur head and sing to some chirpy Christmas tunes
4. Write some heartfelt msg on cards
5. Give away some hugs

This is darn cliche really, but I'm gonna say it. I think I felt Christmas this year. Alas! I'm on the right track. Maybe it was in my heart. Maybe its in u peeps... At this point I'm thinking I love celebrations. I love the idea of loving people gathering together for that one purpose...to have a good time. Doesn't matter if u don't even know each other u know..it's a comfort to be alone together, you don't have to be alone on X'mas. This year I din feel like I was celebrating for the sake of it...I felt like there was really sth to celebrate for. Yea. But by next year perhaps I should perfect Santa Claus is Coming to Town on the piano...so that no one will dare giggle while I'm on it. =P

So I skip the PJs and went home early last night, after having a real good time. Thanks wing. =) I got a snow globe for my gift exchange!~ Yay!~ din get no chocolates! So this morning I went to church with my friend Cheryl, which was an awesome thing I did...coz they sang all the christmas carols and I saw how pple got baptised and was quite mesmerized with the slivery glittery golden posters that hung on the walls. O, Cheryl was my supervisor for abt one and a half months when I worked in Iras in 2002. We din exactly talk to one another much then, coz she was my supervisor~! And she's 7 years older, with the same birthday as me!~ But we've been corresponding thru mail ever since!~ ISn't it awesome how friendship begins?

So, Cheryl gave me a bible for Christmas. =) Just what I want, really....
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For This Christmas, May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the ass of the person who fucks up ur year, and may his hands be too short to scratch his ass. Merry Christmas man. ---- Courtesy of May

And u say, Where's the love?!~?!

Christmas Eve

It's this blog's virgin Christmas Eve. It's my 21st. I woke up early without an agenda. Just that Mich wanted to pass me my present.

So I had my breakfast with papers...
Then I looked to the sky and it din look too bright for a swim...
So I took out my Elmo carpet and treated it as my Yoga mat
I started to repeat all the exercises I learnt on wednesdays
And just as I was working out a sweat the sun was back
So I rushed down to the almost empty pool

The sun was scorching hot but when ur in the water, it freezes ur butt...
After that I was walking home.. had a missed call so called Mich back...not meeting her tdy...
At the corner of my eye there was a handicap pushing his wheelchair up the pathway...
I walked along...
And then....why din I help him push his wheelchair?
He could do it and did manage it just fine, yes.But the pathway was slightly up-sloped..
I could have offered. I just didn't.

I opened my letter box and saw what I was expecting...
Opened the envelop and there was the smallest one this year.
"Thought of passing u this card personally in school, but realised that this is a slightly cooler way. And I wanna be cool that's why..."
"It has been great knowing you. You are always urself."
I did a little laugh as I went up the steps....
Adel, you're the one who lets me be myself. =)

So my brother fell at his volleyball training. Ha. I came home to him sitting there with blots of blood at each knee...
My mum tells him not to play ball again, painful that he's in that state.
Who the hell stops playing coz they fell?
If ever I become a parent, I hope I'm not ridiculous.
We eat lunch and watch Gundam Seed together.
I teared a lil when Kira came back to help in the war. Others thought he was dead.

Then I went to nap and had a few weird short dreams.
You know how some short stories have no beginning or end but hits u somewhat?
My dreams were as such.

I woke up to Mark Richmond on class 95. He rocks.
And then Mich msges me. V hurts her again, scolded her for giving presents to her family members. Man....
Oh come on V, its X mas. Loosen up and live with a bigger heart.
Told Mich that V's heart is now still pretty small and badly squashed.
She can't feel anything beyond herself, thats why she says silly things.
Don't blame her. I do that all the time.
Just have to wait till her heart expands and becomes generous.

Last christmas was LOve ACtually year
This time I watched PoLaR ExPress...
This year I learn to always believe.
Believe in magic, believe in life, believe in me, believe in others
Then you can hear the angels sing the anthem
Then you can hear the siegh bells ring their tune
Then you can say that ur stockings have been filled....

JoLLy X'MaS. =P

Be Anything That U Wanna Be

I used to want to be
A teacher
A newscaster
A radio DJ

I am now gonna be
An auditor

I still wanna be
A yogie
A reader
A jogger
Definitely a fighter

Maybe even...
An exotic dancer
Dreams aren't lost

I wanna always be
A believer
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The Days have been tiring. Not very good tired. Basically the night before yesterday's I was too tired I couldnt sleep the entire night. And then yesterday I went for interview course and to chew's house and played with the organ (not play the organ) and listened to her bro play. Honestly. I wish I could play like that. Thanks JW, was awesome, to me. But after playing WITH the organ for the entire afternoon I got tired. But wei wei if u ever read this I think I figured out my own version of Right here Waiting. Next time I show u k. Jun Xian was upset ysterday. Boy I think our frenship has withered since I dunno when. But Dude if u ever read this, even though u're an asshole and all...I still like u laR. So I'm here.

Then I slept at 9pm...woke up at 11pm, was suppose to watch Brad Pitt's interview on Central but even brad pitt couldnt wake my brain so...Slept till 9am but still tired. Am positive might get sick soon. Thing is, I am lousy ok. I need routine. I need ALOT of 1. Water 2. Fruits SOME 3. Exercise 4. Words ANd I need to sleep by 12 and wake up at 8am. Yeah..and I DON'T eat two meals outside. Adel saw why that was that when she came to my house for lunch once. I mean, my mum feeds me like a first class pig, thats why. There are at least, AT LEAST 8 dishes on my dinner table every night!~ So come on. Why would I wanna pay to eat some shit outside? Twice?

Bi~ I dunno why I kinda missed u one moment just now!~ Its funny isn't it. hOW U can totally think someone out of the blue, he/she just passes by ur trend of random thoughts at some place and some time. Yet when they are right in front of you, you don't feel like saying any shit to them. Ok that came out kinda wrong. Anyway. I was passing by the Y section of the dictionary and look @ this -- Yuppie: young urban professional person. MuAH AH HA.

p/s: WEi I got ur pen. =P I like this pink one better really. Will use it to ace my exams. And I will see u (and ur piano) real soon.

madness

Hey hey hey I cannot, CANNOT begin to tell u how tired and fulfilled I am. Muah ha. Ok so I'm tired but I need to tell u abt my day, pronto. So it was the gruesome subject registration yea...and I got a 5 day week la. Not that I am complaining. Although could have gotten 4 days but longer days. So now I just have to get used to going to school just for like 2 hour per day la. Not complaining. Really like that. BUT. Was devastated when I couldn't register for my Madness in Lit and Flim!!! WTH its offered to stupid engineers who have fulfilled some thang called BC. WTH!!! So I was agitated la. I mean. I din know how much I wanted it until I din get it. Sorry Del, I think I was a lil dramatic. Really shouldnt have been childish. So I mailed my tutor and he's gonna make it available as GE next sem. NEXT. SEM. I do not care la. I told him --- THIS IS BAD. And I do not care I am gonna sit in and look at u talk. =P He's apparently quite peeved with the school's system la. Actually all systems. I mean really, everyone should be allowed to take what they want, no strings attached. Thats when u have a choice. Like my NUS friend who ended up majoring in History and not Psychology becoz the "system" just allocated her to that? That sucks. I hate it when they tell u they're sorry but thats how it is and u can do nothing abt it. Do everything u can abt it anyway.

So after that I collected my emotions and went to town for survey doing. Man it was cool. I got like 4 couples in an hour and I was hyped up. Even saw my primary school friend!!! And I asked her to do yay!~ =) Then I saw Wing and after chatting to her I kinda lost my momentum. Like my partners were surrounded with couples and I was not! Wing!~ U shouldnt have talked to me!~ oK. Actually she didnt want to la. I insisted on talking to her. DAMN. So after she left I was inactive for an hour!~ Then after that something happened and I got another 6 couples!~ Yoo hoo!~ Zhexuan came to help us later and she thought it was fun. Ha. Then we went for dinner coz Zhexuan's going for exchange in canada next sem...=( I'd miss u gurl...even though I dun talk to u much anyway throughout the sem, I'd miss ur presence.

In fact I'm quite certain that next sem will suck but am not complaining. I'm blessed coz I gotta be in the same class as del. Adel was upset abt that la. She went into this subconscious state of despondancy upon completion of the registration, disappointed that my computer din somehow screw up my indexes so that I'd be stranded in another class....

"If the only prayer you say in your life is Thank You, that will suffice..."
Thank you. =)

I forgot to say Thanks to aDel for buying me possibly all the stuff u can ever buy from bangkok for me. Really. Thanks for always trying not to disappoint me. Thanks for always filling up my socks.

Dad

My dad refuses to help my friend do her CPF survey. He claimes the questionaire is so long (4 pages) it'd take more time than completing his work. Yup. Thats the same Dad who refuses to wear shorts anywhere. The same Dad who refuses to exercise. The same Dad who refuses to hold on to a directory for fear of throwing face, even though he really doesnt know his way. The same Dad who refuses to let my brother bring a new born kitten into the house. He refuses. Thats what he does.

Yet its the very same Dad who tried to pat me to sleep when I had insomnia. The Dad who obliged to me and my brother's monetary request as long as he can. The Dad who bought cakes for our birthdays. The Dad who bought so many books to fill his cupboards but doesnt exactly read them. The Dad who buys different colors of the same design of shirts coz he simply really likes them...

The Dad who got so drunk after a dinner party when I was 10 that he vowed never to drink again...
The Dad who's belly couldnt possibly get more pregnant then that...

It sounds like if my Dad died, this is what I'd remember of him...is it enough? Maybe one day I need to let him know this. See this. Yes. I should. Its the tuesday with morrie spirit. Before u die, u need everyone to tell u how u lived in their eyes...a pre-death funeral. I told my cousin I wanted that. Would u give it to me? I think u would right? If I asked. Wouldn't you?

testing

O O My shoes are too small.

Firsts

I remember vaguely that ard this time (end of the year) for the previous two years, I was in this state of stagancy and confusion...I couldnt use anything to mark my days of the year, as though the best and worst events that can happen and will ever happen to me have already occurred and nothing can ever make me feel again. Articulating it this way makes u think that I suck. I recognize it now...I suck. But I think at that point it was exactly how I subconsciously felt about things. Although I jolly well know that I've been through nothing and everything is so happening for me. At that point you just din care. I was trying to forget someone. And I was replaying all the scenes. Other times I was trying to remember too much, I was retracing my steps and neglecting my destination. I was just going thru the motions, like a zombie. Everything was like flashlights. They're just clouding at ur mind.

But this year is different. Retrospectively I think I had it good. Something about this year changed. Something in me occurred. Just surfaced. Appeared. And I dunno what this thing is...the thing is....I just know its good. And u probably dun see or know the difference. BUt its there. It doesnt mean that in a year I've evolved and I'm gonna love life and be jolly from now on. It doesnt mean that becoz good things happened I've overcome my doubts and forgotten every pain I had. It just means...I dunno. Its like I've been head down and trying to drown myself somehow and now I want to let my head come out from the water. I am able to breathe again. Something like that. Ha. U're lost arent u. I think I'm beginning to learn abt self. =) I think I am starting to allow things to matter.

So. This time last year, Chew and I were walking down the street lights in town on New Year's eve. Just watched a movie or sth and went to cafe cartel to eat some awesome ice cream. I still remember exactly how it tasted. I asked her for her BEST LIST of 2003. You know, the BEST things of the year. We named our personal BEST song of the year, BEST purchase of the year, BEST new friend made, BEST movie, BEST moment...And then the fireworks unexpectedly appeared right infront of us...just outside PS. Just as we finished our ice-cream and walked out of cartel...And for the few minutes we stood in awe of the spectacle of it all...absorbing that moment. And then I felt so happy. And I felt like I was bursting like the fireworks....BOOM!~ The next thing I said to chew was :"You know what? I want a digicam for next year! Am so gonna get one!~"

And I still don't have one. Thing is. You dun need it. Good things are imprinted in ur mind. You trying to capture it in print will only discount your presence in that moment...

OKAY. SO. YOU READY FOR MY LIST? =) This year was great partly coz its the year of many FIRSTS. When was the last time u did things for the first time? Well...I did it throughout the damn year!~ HA. It doesnt have to be anything fantasically great. Every first counts.

___IN 2004-I HAD MY FIRST:___
1. Charity carnival *helped to make it happen!~
2. National Day Parade
3. Poem
4. Blog
5. COncert - Black Eye Peas
6. RA movie - The Dreamers
7. Snorkelling trip
8. Experience with strippers in a 21st b-day party
9. Crush on a male tutor (In gurl schs, all male teachers were either married or gay)
10. Yoga lesson
11. Piece on piano (OKAY, wont exactly call it a piece.But its gonna happen)
12. Wisdom tooth extraction
13. Magarita
14. Jazz CD

You thinking about ur year yet? =)

Love actually

No. of X'mas parties invited to this yr: 2
No. of times ice cream went into mouth this week: 3
No. of friends who did love actually survey: 8
No. of days havent missed any particular burdy: I forgot.
No. of glorious days in a row: 3
No. of cute boyfriends I chatted with: 1

YOU READY FOR A LONG ENTRY? =)

I was feeling more than fine abt my day when my inner smile unconsciously turned to a frown once I stepped home. OK. I mean to start this on a cheery note. Let me breathe in and out 10 times.
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Right. So as I was saying. Glorious day. I have been busy. Good tired-busy. My nights were mostly too short to write abt my days...I suddenly get why pple can be workaholics. You know..when u're busy u're action-orientated, not thoughts or self-orientated. And action is less painful than thoughts sometimes.

Ok cheery entry. Glorious day. Actually, yesterday was kinda fun too. Met Jia Jun and chew for dinner, though I was darn tired after trying to ask people to do surveys. Am thankful that ability to laugh at and with friends isnt lost. =) And the day before yesterday wasnt too bad either. Was with May, reminiscing about those days where we waitressed at Brewerks, the cute cooks and my little thing with that fryer(this man that is only incharge of frying fries all day)...and how Shirley is irrefutably the best looking butch ard...

Shirley whirly
Teeth so pearly
Legs so hairy
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____7am____
Tdy I woke up early for some resume writing workshop in school. Ended up totally not paying any attention. Sorry Del. Its like the I'm-21-and-nothing-you-say-will-ever-impress-me attitude. Like everything has become cliched. Even the word cliche. I know... I am such a conceited bitch. But really. He din do it for me. But Adel was so laughing at his jokes. Coz he tells them just like Ronald does. Del, stick to watermelon la. hahahaha

___10.30am___
Around this time something amazing happened!~ You know how some people just makes that difference to you? They so do it for u. Their presence, their style, their look, their talk, even their walk. Suddenly u're feeling that living is the fun-est thing on earth. Living is the best thing to do. =) Ok...Adel and me were in Can A and My Lit Tutor appeared!~ Main point is!! Adel went GAGA, I repeat, GAGA over him when she saw him!!! Apparently my past descriptions of him totally didnt fit the bill. Ha. She conjured up some wrong image which din exactly do it for her. So he said hi and then proceeded along with his long purposeful strides to charm the cashier at mcdonalds. Man......YOU GOTTA SO CLASH MY LECTURE NEXT SEM TO SEE HIM!

___1.00pm___
Met Jia Pei for lunch. She was having stomachache so she din eat. Think she's so skinny and small now I'm afraid she might disappear anytime soon...=( She bought me an ancient looking book mark for my b-day present. Awesome. Turns out her bf is a SGX scholar too!~ So they know Serene. Aint it funny how round the world is?

___3.00pm___
Reached town to begin a painful affair...

"Hi, I'm not selling anything...I..." Couple almost shouts a strong NO! and then walks damn fast. =) OK....great. Breathe and sing X'mas carols to self...

Changes strategy. Walks RIGHT IN FRONT of them so that they cant bloody move. Smiles profusely. "HI, I'm a student from NTU and we're doing a research on love, are you a couple? Not married yet right?" At this point some pple leave and you're left with a heartache. If they are still apprehensive but still there, then I say "We're trying to find out what makes a couple satisfied and happy with their r/s, can u spare a few mins to do the survey? You can leave ur email and we'll mail you our findings!" There u have it. Was doing that for the past two days. I have ZERO idea how ADel got 60 pple to do her survey. Poor u. U have my hat.

My day turned for the better when I met Jessica and Rando in town. They just finished shoppin for gifts. They stayed with us and help us spot prospective couples for abt an hour!! They were good!~ Thanks guys. Clamied I was too selective. I sieved out those thaT were too young, too fierce looking, too old, too pissed-off looking, smoking, too I-will-so-slap-u-if-u-come-over look...hahah U get it. Somehow them being there gave me the push to overcome the inertia that seemed to have possessed my feet. Everytime I spot a couple my heart's telling me GO! and then my feet grew roots that went deep into the ground....I guess that was comparable to my waitressing days...OK. nah...waitressing was more hellish.
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Here is to those people who waved me away like I was some bug and hurt my pride: I hope your wisdom tooth haunts u at night

Here is to those people who looked up to the sky and din care a hoot about my existence when I was talking to you: I hope u fall down at least once every year.

And here is to you who did my survey and helped a fellow human being, including all my friends: Merry X'mas and I hope you guys stay happy together for a lifetime.

Not forgetting those people who walked pass me and had absolutely nothing to do with me YET smiled at me: I dunno whats ur problem but that was sweet. May u be blessed with excellent teeth.
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Btw, this is one song u gotta listen to - Miss Riddle by Boz Scaggs. =)

P/s: If u're a super nice person who's interested in the survey, or know of anyone who does...TAG ME ur email!!! Ha. Okie man. Off u go. Thanks for readin yeah.

My bro and me

Excellent Conversations on the Dinner Table:

Bro: When do u think u're gonna die?
Me: When it's time for me to die.
Bro: And when is that?
Me: Right after u die I guess.
Bro: And when will I die?
Me: Before I die I guess.

Anyway, on a more serious note, I was at East Coast with Mich the entire day. =P She thought of the theory that the amount of happiness u feel is positively correlated with the amount of sun u get. OKAY. Ha. She has so lost it. But well...I'm quite happy now. And I'm sun burned. I'm glad I offered my service Mich.

So. Thing is. Mich has really broken up with her gurl. And I dun think her gurl will ever read this so...I can say whartever I want. I would like to thank her for setting Mich free, for now. Coz u never know if they might be together again. When one breaks up with their other half, one should by all means feel liberated and released from the repression of the notion of being TOGETHER with someone. COME ON! Who the hell believes in being together? How can two unique and complicated human beings be together together! The earlier u let ur pea brain understand that there is no love, and that u can stop expecting everything to fall into place and let it fall all over you, the earlier you can focus on becoming an individual! How the hell can u expect some human angel to surface from earth and save ur disfigured world? Stop expecting flowers from him and plant some urself! OKAY. U get the gist of our day. Basically more dissing...

I know I say this now... but I'll still let u sweep me off my feet. I'll still let ur words mean something. I'll still be here waiting, wishing, hoping.

Sappy enough?

Now. Thing is. After tdy, I need to decide on somethings. Based on the information I've gathered, M dumped V and then V ask M for another chance, and then M needed time, and meanwhile V got hankypanky with another Miss B and when M was ready for another try...V was already attached to Miss B. SO. U be the judge.

What should I do when I see V together with Miss B?
1. Pretend I saw no evil and walk damn fast
2. Box V's face and scream :"HOW COULD U!!"
3. Slap Miss B and spit on V
4. Smile

Ok. What say u. Thing is...people make mistakes dont they? And I wish V handled her situation better than this...Coz I like u V...I genuinely believed in u. Guess I'll do number 4. It wouldnt make a difference. We live and learn.

I told Mich that after 4 years she should be able to forget abt that 3 and a half years of being together. All that slapping...screaming in the middle of taka...all those gifts they bought for each other...But then again who the hell forgets? Unless ur a player. Screw players.

I smell rain

Very good conversations

Me: I got a B for my lit. How disgraceful is that? How am I gonna live with it?
Bro: I got a D for my art.
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Me: Will u go shut the windows? The rain is coming in.
Bro: Nah....Just let them come. I wanna smell them.
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Kira....

i'm avril lavinge!~

You Are Avril Lavigne! A bit hardcore on the outside... But sweet and sensitive on the inside. "And I use my dress To wipe up my drink I care less and less What people think" Who's Your Inner Rock Chick?

Jianwei, if u see this, DO NOT, puke.

My lit tutor

Yesterday, I went to MR D to remove my stitches. And I swear I will NOT be there again.

Dentist: Hi Zann!~ So how much did u suffer?
Me: Well...not much. Just food getting stuck in gums. (And crying self to sleep on that first night u let me bleed)
Dentist: Well thats normal. Open.(your mouth)
Dentist holds on to an amazingly big scissors and attempts to poke into mouth. Hits gums about three times. "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!" (I swear if I was rich I would sue him for undue discomfort adel)

Dentist: Did u know that 2 of the strings are already gone?
Me: Oh! I must have eaten them!~ (Should have just ate the remaining two as well)
Dentist: Not to worry they are made of silk!
Me: *smiles* ( Made of silk doesnt mean I'd like to eat them! )
Me: You know that white (GROSS) stuff beside my gums? My food gets stuck in it and its irritating. What exactly is it?
Dentist: O, those are tissues. They will grow to gums. Not to worry.
Me: OKie. (worrying)
Dentist: So u wanna make an appointment for the other side?
Me: (huR HuR over my dead body?!) Not yet. Not now. *Smiles*
Dentist: Ok den!~ Bye!~

That was it. I was in school yesterday morning (9.30am-12.30am) for a lesson on Endnote and found it utterly boring. I let my fellow fyp mate pay the attention and take the notes while I read your blog and felt totally impressed and amused with the stuff you wrote. Brutally honest. Even somewhat hilarious. I believe that was the first blog that made me laugh. Way to go. Well maybe I'm biased, coz I like u already. So I was doing just that until the computer died on me. =) Then I proceeded to stare at my mate's screen, for abt 15 minutes...

After lunching, I deliberated about the dentist's visit coz I hate the place. So I went down to my lit tutor's office at HSS (Humanities and social science) for the second time to collect my poetry assignment. The other time I went was before my tooth extraction. I was late and he was gone. Which resulted in a strong sense of disappointment which probably contributed to the sucky dentist experience. This time I was still awed by the fact that the HSS office is by no means sucky smelling like the rest of the departments. They even have X'mas trees and decorations at every door of the offices. Awesome stuff. I wouldnt mind having an office like that. And its interior was spacious!~ And dark coloured! Totally posh. So I knocked. Like 3 sets of 7 beats. And then there was no answer. ARGH... so I walked away and then I heard the same heavy yet purposeful and quick footsteps that I've been hearing the entire sem. Turned ard and there he was!~

" You looking for me? "
(Yes Yes Yes!!!!!OMG Yes!!!) " Yup!" I answered as coolly as I could master.
" OK..." He scrambles around after opening his door, pick up a stack of assignments and there! Mine was on the top. " Ok there u go."
I sorta prepares to leave...
He flips the paper over," Let me just go thru what I wrote coz no one can really read my handwriting anyway...."
He goes abt to say the same things I already told u. That my purals and singulars are messed up, (BTW they really are. Appalling. But its only in one fucking sentence!!OK two.) weakening my otherwise strong prose...and mentions that my B is essentially a really strong B. Okie. NOt really strong. Just Strong. I think u can see me positively beaming at every word he was saying. Even possibly lighting up that small X'mas tree he has on his desk. =) B E A M I N G .

But there's just this thing that disturbs me... he says that messing up your language is not uncommon. That Singaporeans do that all the time. I smiled at that then. But now as I think back I think he must be disgusted with the way we speak...He must think little of us. But well. Who bloody cares. We do speak in a mess. If we do speak at all.

" So what have u been busy with? " he ventures.
" Oh, my final year project."
I doubt he knows what the hell that was.
I pack the paper and prepares to leave. " Enjoy ur holidays!" he smiles...
"You too! Merry X'mas in advance!" And I left the building, B E A M I N G. Complimenting all the X'mas trees I passed by. Just coz of this, I'm quite sure I'm gonna have a good X'mas.

Intense

SCoRpIo: Intense and emotional. Be wary of judging others too harshly.

Passed by a shop SPELLBOUND. Apparently u pay $25 bucks and u get some tarot telling. I toyed with the possibility of stepping in and then lingered ard and read that line on top. Someday maybe. It'd be interestin. Jess I heard u are into that. Wanna attempt to tell me for me? I admit I'm overly intense and exceptionally judgemental. But not all Scorpios are like that... Wei are u judgemental?

Its been a good day. I'm quite sure its just the jogging talking. Coz I havent done it in abt a week. I signed up for Yoga classes, for one. Thats awesome stuff. Always wanted to do it. Now nothing can stop me. Only me.

And I drove the longest distance yesterday, to seng kang and then town and then back home. Was good. No accidents. Only uncertainties. I convinced my bro that siblings ought to spent some time together doing some activty and we went for a movie with my cousin. The one that's made out of sugar and spice and everything nice. Yeah. And the first person we saw in PS was Adrian Pang!~Cousin had no idea who he was but boy he is tanned and hot and nice. I mean real nice!~ How can u explain smiling charmingly at some aunty who was pointing at him like some display doll!~? =)

Spent some time with my cousin. Treat her to ice cream. OK I ate most of it. She rocks la. She has better sense of direction than me. Sometimes I think I'm just not very aware of my surroundings. I'm only obsessively aware of me. She was navigating when I drove while my Dad had to scrutinize the stupid map. Its quite something to hear a 13 yr old tell you that u ought to go to the market with ur mum. Coz I never do market-with-mum. Coz I hate it. But she hates the market too, and she still does it. I mean. It sounds lame. And if u dunno me u probably wont get it. Lets just say sometimes...I wish I was sugar and spice and everything nice.

I'm determined that this module they are offering in HSS is the one for me.
HL801 Madness in Literature and Flim. For one I am about to go internally mad. For two I will go mad if I dun take it. OK. Scramming.

I look at my entry a few months back about clubbing woes...and its funny how I let myself club again.

Margarita

Number of drinks last night: 1/2
Number of movies in 5 days: 4
Number of happy moments: who the hell count moments
Number of pissing moments: more than the happy moments
Number of CDs burnt in the last 2 days: 7
Number of sweet things done for others: 4
Number of times felt stupid: all the time
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You couldnt care less
I told you like cinderella I've got some plane to catch
I told me like amnesia I've forgotten who you are
You couldnt care less

The lights. The ceiling. The colour of my drink
I'm a blessing to the world, you laugh
and say something funny
The lights. The ceiling. The colour of my drink

I'll look at anything but you
I'll listen secretly to another private conversation
I want to be anything but this
I want to do everything but chill

You couldnt care less
You say something
Like a pill I remember again
I'm laughing, I'm going, I'm never drinking again

Early Morning

I'm just waiting to play badminton with wei later. And chew aint coming coz "I've got chores to do." Man this woman is crazy. Ok. Not her. Her circumstances. I can't imagine myself doing CHORES every morning!~ I watched Bridget Jones yesterday with Del and I think its coz of the fact that I already read the book OR the fact that I couldnt really open up my mouth to laugh(it aches), that the movie was only a ok. But gawd Hugh Grant is hot!~ In a I-wanna-sleep-with-you-but-slap-u-after-that way.

Bumped into M on the way to movie yesterday and it turns out they are still together. Excellent. Just great. I dunno. I think I am tired of hearing abt it.
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"Happiness comes more from loving than being loved, and often when our affection seems wounded it is only our vanity bleeding. To love, and to be hurt often, and to love again... this is the brave and happy life." J.E Buckrose

This is for all those ex-lovebirds out there, vanity bleeding and all...

Taufik Wins Spore Idol

Taufik!~ So he won. =) I can't believe how proud I am. I'm glad most of my friends love him too. We were furiously exchanging sms-es. I might even go as far as buying his first album.

You ever come across another human being that makes you wanna become a better person? He doesnt have to do anything. He doesnt have to speak. You don't even have to know him. His presence in the world, you knowing he exists, stepping on the same solid ground that binds our paths, he breathing the same thing called air that surrounds the thing we unanimously call earth - makes you, the small, tiny, insignificant, doubtful, insecure you, wanna be a better person. =)

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You know I actually had many disconcerting and out-of-the-world thoughts running through my worried mind while at the dentist the other day. And I was so thinking abt blogging it. Yet I can't blog it now. The pain still sucks. And blogging it wont help. So until I can recover and truely see it as an enlightening experience, I will be mum. I just have to get used to having strings in my gums and blood on my brush. And taking double the time to eat. And dun ask me why I fucking look so pale coz I dunno. Ok. I gotta bloody stop whinning. Forgive me.
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An illusion which makes me happy is worth a verity which drags me to the ground

This journal I was reading from the Journal of social psychology shit found out that couples are more satisfied and happy in their relationship if their partners idealize them and vise versa. So, you'd be happier if your boy friend idealizes you with attributes and qualities that you actually do not even possess. Meaning to say, positive illusions that you conjure about your partner makes the r/s work better.

Forget about reality. Conjure up your ideal partner and when you find someone, go ahead and believe that he is your Mr Right. Illude yourself. Illude him. Go ahead and pretend your partner is Brad Pitt, coz he's probably thinking you're Britney Spears.

Forget about reality...

Maybe thats why some people love meeting new people. With every new person I meet I get the privilege to be judged again from zlich. And the novelty of it all intrigues me. You see the me that I want you to see. You like the me that you think you know.

Aye...your guess is as good as mine. I dunno me.
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You're cool as fuck
Cold as dark

Eyes liberated from your heart
Flinch away from my touch

But because of that
I'm sticking to you like lard