Dentist 2

Money is evily important. I know now. Money allows u to visit a first class dentist. Money means I wont be drinking blood right out of my mouth now. Money means I can hire people to stab my brother in his sleep. Money even means I can hire someone to painlessly kill me and go to jail for it.

If LiFe'S tHe dIseAsE ThaN LOvE's ThE cUrE

I have all these disturbing thoughts I wanted to share but when I'm here I dont wanna type it. When I'm here I feel like I need to tell u the good stuff. Sieve out all the shit. =) You dun want or need to hear them. Well, first up, just as I was holding back the need to puke on my bus ride home, Adel tells me abt this surprise gift that's gonna come for me anytime soon. =) Ronald's driving it here. Awesome shit. Del, I am starting to wonder if its a watermelon. *wink wink*

SO..in another part of ur world, M and V breaks up. V gets attached. I dunno. Its melodramatic. The most dramatic event that ever happened to me was...was...nothing. You're upset. But it sucks to call and then hear u tell me you dun need me. I'm not good with this being there shit.

I'm staying away from msn for a week. Adel will pay me 30 cents if it happens. I forced her to do it. I dun wanna feed on the words said out of boredom. Each one questing for sth more in another's weariness. I'm not bored. Aint doing me good. I'm getting it back. I'm getting perceptive, concrete, riveting words in my head. I'm hearing from authors.

I spent the morning selecting, orchestrating, decorating some shit for u. Boy I hope u like it.

My brother and I are gonna show some TLC to this stray white cat that has been staying along the stairways for abt a week now. I was talking to him abt it. I think its sick. Maybe its gonna die. My brother love animals. Thats y sometimes I love him. He used my $30 taka voucher I got for my b-day to buy some gundam model shit. But I'm gonna let it go. =) I'm for models. They help to develop thinking skills. Plus, I'm for gundam.

OK. So the cat wasnt in really in need of TLC. We left the milk and fishes there, and ran away for fear that it'd find out where we stay and keep bugging us. Ha. Was fun. Conditional love. Thats what it is nowadays.

You ever hated urself for disliking someone? There need to be no reason. I just don't like you. I'm judgemental. I'm severely biased.

The stupid intimidating nurse from NTU's dental clinic called again! ARGH. I AM SCARED LIKE PEE FOR THE EXTRACTION BUT I AM NOT GONNA BACK OUT U IDIOT! STOP CALLING ME TO ASK IF I AM COMING! MORON! I wish all her teeth falls on her. Ok ok I take that back. She is already ugly as she is. Needs teeth.

May I missed u tdy! I know! I'm saying this the third time since u left - Needy Zann. Absence so makes the heart grow fonder eh? Will do swimming when u come back, to counter that I-have-Jules-and-I'm-so-blessed-that-all-I-did-was-fed effect. =P

I'd rather be alone, then to feel lonely when I'm with you.

Incredible Sunset

Hey u. Lovely u. Charming u. Alright. Enuff of suckin up already. You know. I watched two movies in two days and I really honestly wish I were a movie critic. But its not gonna happen so.

Before Sunset
Dated Sharon impromptu yesterday. Had to watch the movie before it closes. Leenu said it rocked. So once I found out that its really showin in cine I HAD TO GO. Sharon was suffering from what she called a culture shock in town. She just havent got used to the fact that crowds do exist and shops dun close at 5pm. I wanted to give her a treat coz she might not like the movie. I mean..all u have is scrawny(so she says) Ethan hawk and Julie Delpy walking ard Paris throughout 90 mins. =) But not to forget their contemplative conversations. There were no kisses. No sex. No violence. No drama. No nothing. Just trees. Cafes...Paths....Paris...yet its so complete. I came out of it completely satisfied. Nothing could be more real then that.

So.. we walked from Orchard to city hall MRT? I forgot. I would love to walk in Paris someday. Walking. Talking. Its good for you. So we spoke abt some insecurities we deal with in our lives. Well. Its funny coz, when u see a problem thru someone elses eyes. You see how that person is afraid and scared. All u know in ur heart is that she has nothing, nothing to be afraid of. Somehow u know everything will be fine. And u think it silly. U think it strange. That she has to worry abt such stuff. But then u do too. You worry abt that all the damn time. But ofcoz when u were worrying abt it u thought it was the biggest darn problem u faced. We all do. Its nothing really. Its gonna turn out okay. =)

"You can never replace anyone coz everyone is made up of beautiful specific details."

"Our life doesn't work in such a clean narrative. It makes us think that our lives are boring because our lives and even our relationships don't have beginning, middle and end. It's never as clear as all that. It's so much more amorphous. What we're aspiring to do is capture what it's really like to be alive, to take naturalism to a new, heightened degree"

If I meet u 9 years later....
-----------------------------------------------

U come in bouts

So I was blabbing to chew on msn..took a pee in the toilet without closing the door...smelt the food my mum was cooking in the kitchen...and felt this happiness. Suddenly. Somewhat elusively.

Duncha think u dun allow urself to feel truely happy anymore. U know it doesnt last. Just at that point of celebration or excitment something else happens and takes it away. It always does. So its better to contain that happiness. Stay prepared for the worse. Know that its coming. But it hurts the same whether u anticipated it or not. Isnt it. You can do nothing abt something that hasnt happen. Even when u know it might happen. So why this suppression?
------------------------------------------

Was forwarding one of those sweet msges to my ex-classmate. And he replys: "hey there. I thought u already forgotten abt me." And I said: "I never forget pple. U're just at the back of my mind. And mind is congested. " And he moves on to say sth abt school and bleah and bleah. And then that was it. I remember why I placed him there.

Don't u think its amazing how u choose friends? Time and place can bring pple together but u are the one who choose the pple who stays with u. Ofcoz. U choosing them doesnt necessarily mean they will stay. Sometimes they choose to walk away.

I dunno abt u. But dont u keep the pple u love close to u? Close emotionally that is. Dont u have the urge to call them the moment sth great or disasterous happens? The desire to buy them sth just to show u remember them. The need to write them sth nice once in a while to let them know they are appreciated? Dont you? Okie. Maybe I'm emotionally needy. (Adel just msges me to ask abt interview =)) But what the hell. If u wanna keep me, I gotta have that. I dun need any fair weather friends.
So I'm not gonna be here anymore. Not if u were the one who walked away first.
-------------------------------------------

On a brighter note. I enjoyed myself at KTV yest. Was a lil boring at first. Chew was crawling late. But it turns out I was with a bunch of accomodating pple. Sometimes I think I'm a mirror image of those pple whose behavior I hate. I can be suchabitch. Well, I furiously inserted songs that chew din know howta sing and forced her to sing with me. AND. I hit her arm countless times. She just got jabs. AND. I talked alot when others were singing. AND made it up by clapping AFTER they were done. AND. I forced Serene to sing some duets with me and then laugh at her sing. AND. I made everyone help me find the title of the Jay Chou song I wanted to sing. Even though I pretty much got the description all wrong. And Peeps!~!! I realised the MTV with the angel was called Ni ting de dao or sth!!!! Ha. So the song I wanted to sing was not the MTV I described. Suchabitch. =) But I had fun. I realised u have more fun if ur singing sucks. Coz then u can laugh. And its been some time since I did that.
-------------------------------------------

Okie. Here is the boring part. U wont enjoy reading this if ur not me. So one way to overcome that is to PRETEND u are me. This is the lowdown on the companies. Man I need to make an informed decision. Never good at those. Its always easier if u trust ur intuition. But it always betrays me....

Company A

Verdict: Nice people.Good ambience. Light coloured interior. Almost Zen like toilet.

Bonus: Cute managers. Easy going. Candid. Straight forward. To the point.

Interview: Well structured. 3 components. Standardized throughout. Asked standard 4 questions for everyone. Attempt to be unbiased with name tags of cartoon characters given to you. (So they dun look at ur application or judge u from ur family background or anything when conversing and examining you)

Weakness: Portfolio of clientele is the smallest of the big 4 accounting firms. Not much depth or diversity. Only ard 9 groups of clientele. But they have plans to expand within the next 5 years. Sometimes over friendly is no good. I might get sick of it. And their employees give me a very cheena and aunty image. I dunno why. Maybe its the dresscode.

Company B

Verdict: More professional feeling. Black, blue interior. Tinge of seriousness and maturity. As is with the firm. Longer history and one of the biggest in size. Has majority of the retail and merchandising industry pie. Has in fact abt 13 groups of industries.

Bonus: Get to go overseas for training in the first year.

Interview: Totally unstructured and haphazard almost. Only spoke 15 out of the 45 minutues. I dun think they had an agenda to fulfill. Nodding way thru and felt compelled to make "mmmm" sounds of acknowledgement. Boring manager. Tried to make me laugh but lack of cuteness resulted in failure of attempt. Manager was digressing in his speech. For a moment he was talking abt i-forgot-what. Shocking. Almost repelling. Yet manager's actions were impressive. Offered me name cards and I din have any to offer back. Sent me right to the lift and pressed the buttons for me. Man... managers sending u off the building into the lift? That is sth.

General feeling: Candid and honest pple. Yet there's sth missing. I dunno if they really know who I am and I dunno why they want me there. Maybe its the conversation abt free riders. They obviously know I'm not one of them...

Man... I am even more uncertain now that I wrote this chunk out. DAMN IT! Huiling asks me to go for A. Coz she claims that working for cute managers will result in strong desire to excel and managers who give compliments will boost self esteem. Excellent.

Whoo HOooooo

Guess what. I just retured from my DT interview. My interviewee was so hot!!!!! ADEL!!!!! Totally HOT! Man.. wish u were there. It doesnt really matter if I get it or not HE IS HOT!~ Ha. I need to get to know more 30 year old men.(who looks like 20) OK. I take that back. Sounds damn lustful. Contrary to the strong willed, independent, individualistic person I said I am. Damn he said I spoke real well! Okie. Probably only well. But damn. He is hot.

So I reckon this is breach of confidentiality coz I am not suppose to disclose anything abt the process. But no one who got shortlisted will prob read this so I am saying it. I had to give a one min impromptu speech abt A Casino in Spore. And I totally ruined it. Worst speech I ever gave. I think the only point I made was that I'm for it. Boost tourism industry. Do away with boring no fun image. And I mentioned Les Vegas. Man. Man. But well. At least I din get The new cabinet. Will totally die.

I have EY coming up at 4pm. Damn. No interview can possibly surpass this! He is HOT! Ok by now u need an image right? Lets see... he reminds me of some hong kong actor I see on tv. Even better looking. But I dunno the name. Aye...suffice to say he is cute-hot. Yay. I dun wanna go for KP I dun wanna be worked to death. But I'm just gonna go and seek to impress. Its always good to know u can act. =)

If everything goes well I will be jaded tonight. Good jaded I hope. All depends on EY and how they screw me up. Pray they have mercy. Gonna sing with some peeps later. Awesome. Awesome. He is hot. I said I was a perfectionist and he asked me a personal question that he said he always wanted to know. " Can a perfectionist also be a follower?" Man... I love that question! Exactly my kinda question! Not gonna tell u how I answered it. Good luck u. If ur having interviews. Just go and strut ur stuff babes!~ The men will get it.
-----------------------------------------

On a sadder note, my lit tutor gave me a B for my assignment.

OK Zann,

You received a grade B for your poetry assignment – decent enough essay although there are a few points that need to be worked on:

For example – your singulars/plurals are all mixed up – this weakens the essay – as does various other careless use of language – your ideas are strong, as is your understanding but you need to tighten up on the writing.

Assignment can be collected anytime,

Neil
------------------------------------------
Is it just me or is he quite aloof. Ok. It sucks that after ur 21 and teaching pple who are sec 3 someone comes along and tells u that ur tenses are fucked up. SSssssss
Which is great really. I will deal with it and move on. Awesome. I'm sorry u had to put up with my weak language. I'LL BLOODY WORK ON IT!

NuMbErS

28 days

I'd rather be dreaming than living
Living's just hard to do
Its noises not voices
A day's just a thing to get through

21 grams

They say we lose 21 grams at the exact moment of our deaths...
Everyone.
The weight of a stack of nickels.
The weight of a chocolate bar.
The weight of a humming bird...
Is it the weight of ur soul
Or is it the weight thats carried by those who survive us

day 3

I woke up at 7am tdy!~ Stupid malay peeps were downstairs cooking some curry and they were discussing ingredients or sth! sheesh. My brother nearly threw sth downstairs but ofcoz he didnt. Bad karma.

I went to church tdy. Actually I drove. Adel's my first ever passenger! And she is still alive and kicking!~ Dad was with me. He was holding on to the bloody handle again. ARGH. Wats ur problem?!~Adel said my driving was considered smooth already!~!?You. Piss. Me. Off.

So. I had real bad cramps tdy and I think everyone in the queue knew it. Besides the fact that I was practically slouching throughout, I also took out two HOT PINK panadol pills to eat. Man... why did u have to make it pink? Is it so that the world knows i'm having it? Cool. It worked though. After 30 mins...maybe coz its my first time taking it.

Saw Jo at the entrance!~ Actually Adel did first. ( She even saw David Yeo!)Gave her a big hug. =) Sometimes I think a hug is all it takes. Dun even have to speak. Lalala. But ofcoz I dun go ard hugging everybody. Somehow I always feel like hugging Jo when I see her!!~ Jo ur huggable!~ Must be that gurl school thing..Speaking of which, May I saw Karen today!~ Wasnt quite sure who it was at first. Looked damn familar?!~ Then I was thinking.. Like was it Tian yun? No. Was it Mavis? No. Ha. Then I remembered. Wish it was Shirley though! sheesh.

Pastor prince rocks. Although I did fall asleep in the middle. Damn I was too sleepy. And Adel was talkin to her fren so... But after that I was laughing and back on track again. The gurl beside me was screaming to the songs of worship though. Damn irritating. I din even bother to sing no more coz I couldnt hear myself at all. Even Adel heard her. Sheesh. But well. Maybe she couldnt help it. Maybe she suddenly got overwhelmed with love and strength and power. Maybe her voice couldnt help itself. Ha

Wow thats the first time I contemplated an excuse for somebody.

Lalala. Adel said her cousin wrote a poem and sent it to some literature experts for critic. And she's gonna lemme read it!~ Yay. I still havent sent my poem to my tutor though.(coz he said sth in class that inspired it. Its the onion flesh poem) I'm gonna take another module conducted by him next sem and I dun wanna embarrass myself. Ho Ho. Shall wait till I leave school. =P Cheers peeps. Am gonna watch vcds now.

My salvation lies in ur love

Who believes that. Hands up. Not you. Please don't. If u still do then stop reading this. Right now.

Okie still reading? Ok maybe I did believe in that. After I watched Love Actually...And every other time I cry over sappy movies. But aye. Wartearver.

$10++ Crystal Jade Lunch
$10 4 VCDs
$10++ karaoke

So my exams ended. Duh. So I knew that the thing I will feel wont last before I experienced that momentary tinge of freedom or happiness. If u would call it as that. Which isnt exactly that. Coz how can happiness come only after every exam. Its external once again. DAMN EXTERNALITIES. Ok not complaining. Exams ending is a good thing.

I enjoyed myself la. At the karaoke. I think its a matter of surrounding urself with positive pple with positive thoughts and unselfish minds. And ofcoz do away with any form of skepticism. Maybe I just enjoyed listening to my voice. And learning some chinese. I sung some chinese songs I learned in sec school and I'm surprised I still know my stuff.

OOoooooo so Taufik got in. Man wasted my votes. Was trying to neutralize Adel's la. She voted like 6 times for Sly? She is an ah lian. hey babe. I'm sorry I have to say this. Ha. taufik rocks. Aint it exciting. I am proud of my singapore idol. I am!~ yeah man. Another thing to make life worth living.

I totally forgot my aim of the entry? yeah. Damn. Do not msn when ur blogging. Yeah.

My salvation lies in myself.

----------------------------
2nd day of freedom

I watched just married today and I so like Kutcher...especially after the butterfly effect I think =) So it taught me one thing or another. That u stick through the rough days with a person and thats what leads u to another happy moment. If u bail out then ur left with sad moments. How true is that. Eh?

I wish I had a car to drive sometimes. Ok just tdy. Coz I was carrying 8 books from the library and I had to walk to the MRT and back. And the books were mostly hard cover. Damn. But I found the new book by Helen Fielding!~ heh heh Ace. And u know what. I have spread the Morrie's spirit to another person. Jun xian. =) He finished the book last night. He is officially a better man just coz of that. Not that he aint a good one already. Hehz.

Last night I was talking to chew's brother and he asked me aBT the lyrics to this song - Not for all the love in the world by The Thrills. And I surprised myself coz I could come up with an interpretation of what they were trying to say in the lyrics. Looks like I put my lit module into good use. And I so wanna teach that. Sometime. Someplace. Meanwhile I'm gonna do my auditing stuns first and see how short they last. Interviews coming right up.

I'm having problems with my comments shit. So I cant reply comments but it made me feel a lil loved. U know. Comments. That ur problems are being related to and they are small and universal in a way...Thanks all. hey Jo. If u read this I think ur sis is a little more pretty to look at, at least. Ha. And. I'll really wanna kill my bro after he scolded me jibye last last night but he has what u call muscles. So even if I wanted I cant do him physical harm. Which is a sad thought. Ha. But u sharing my sentiments to a certain extent makes me feel a lil more human. Thanks babe. I know ur mugging and probably a lil drained but I'll pass u my strength and luck for now!~ =)

And so May is extending her stay in canada. U go gurl. Sometimes it only goes to show how little sense ur life makes. Like just one person. Can take u away. Can render the previous life u lead meaningless. Like this one person can make all the other persons u knew fade away. Duncha think. So if u've been hurt, all it takes is for another special someone to come along and sweep u away. Its a cycle man. And all u have to do is to wait.

JADED

That was the title for my very first entry. Aint it funny how I'm still back to square one. Wartearver. So. The paper. It didn't require me to regurgitate anything I studied. Maybe that explains why I felt like vomitting on the way back in Adel's car. I still feel like vomitting.

Thing is. Today didnt feel anything. Ok wrong. I didnt feel anything for today. No. I didn't feel anything today. Like I went through all the motions in a daze. Remained nonchalent and aloof when Dad drove me to school. Didnt wanna engage in any form of car-or-work-or-whatever orientated conversations with him. If u'd even call it a conversation coz there's nothing he can say that makes me wanna listen. I never listen. He never speaks.

Pee. Walk. Take out stuff. Look at seat number. Enter hall. Good luck. Smile. Good luck. Turn paper over. Allocate time. Read. Damn. Write some shit. Damn. Write more shit. Flip notes. Pen's shit. Question's shit. Answer's shit. SHIT. =)Time's up. Feel nothing. Pack. Leave. Complain.

U ever hear ur friends speak and think they're lame? Just like how u look at couples jesting with each other about nothing in particular and think they are lame. Like what the hell are u talking about!~?!~ whatever u were talking about wasnt worth tAlking about!

My brother havent been talking to me for days. I'm quite sure its more than a week coz it started right after my b-day. And I really dunno what his problem is. He acts like I pissed him off. And thats pissing me off. I HATE U right now. From the time u were 8 I knew u were up to no good. U broke the first wind chime I got as a gift and never attempted to bring it back. I never regreted pouring water over ur face when u screamed at me when u were 12. Or putting sweets on ur chest while u were sleeping so that those armies can have something to eat. I hate u. You restricting my choice to sing before I sleep. Your refusal to read my poems. I come home to ur bag(my bag) and socks thrown around the house, bathe in a bathroom with ur undies, jeans and watch in the basin. The computer left on with the modem burning hot, the mouse contaminated with ur dirty finger prints. U make my computer damn slow with the incessant game downloads. U infest it with the porn u look. U chat obsessively with ur online faceless gurl friends. U keep mushy gross text messages in ur phone. They say hate stems from love but u know what I loathe u. Depise u. Disrespect u. I'm tired of trying to be involved with ur happening life. Its time u get involved with mine. OK. Am inherently evil but I feel MUCH better. =P

So. Wat was I saying?

One day u gotta pay me u know. For entertaining u.

IS IT COZ I'M COOL

IS IT COZ I'M COOL
WHY U DRESS LIKE ME
IS IT HONESTY
OR ARE U JUST A FOOL

IS IT COZ I'M COOL
WHY THE SCHOOL KIDS LAUGH
COZ THE PAPER'S GOT IT WRONG AGAIN

IS IT COZ I'M COOL
TAKE A PIECE OF ME
SERVE ME up ON A PLATE IN ur RESTAURANT
IS IT COZ I'M COOL

IS IT COZ I'M FLY
COZ U SAID WHAT I SAID
WHEN I SAID WHAT I SAID
BUT I DIDNT SAY

IS IT COZ I'M HIP
WHY U TAKE MY SHIT
NOW U SAY I'M A FAN
NOW I UNDERSTAND

IS IT COZ I'M HOT
WHY U MENTION ME IN UR VIP, MEMORY
IS IT COZ I'M COOL
IS IT COZ I'M COOL

I aint fighting no slience today
I'm just looking ard for some decent conversation
no hidden agenda
no only pretender
no holding my mouth like i'm sweet 16
enough of the
think i'll call u pls dun call me
IS IT COZ I'M COOL

IS IT COZ I'M SMART
WHY U BREAK MY HEART
WITH THE LIES U TELL
BABY KISS AND TELL

IS IT COZ I'M OH
THAT U JUMP RIGHT IN
WITHOUT DISCIPLINE
BABY SINK OR SWIM

IS IT COZ WE'RE FRIENDS
WHY U USE MY NAME
JUST TO ENTERTAIN
IS IT COZ I'M COOL

Time keeps ticking and running away
and its taking us fast to a brand new free dimension
too cool to mention
well thats the intention
but some of us too bumb blond to see
setting us free
say goodbye to jealousy
IS IT COZ I'M COOL
NO ONE'S REALLY COOLER

- MOUSSE-T

U have to check this out. Perfect. For now.

DOCTOR DOCTOR I"M A HAZARD TO MYSELF

Am in a good mood today. I lost my voice. WAs whispering to the doctor about what went wrong with me. =) Mucus coming down from nose to mouth when I cough. She laughed. But was sympathetic. Unlike school doctors. So what if u are cheap. Your stupid attitude doesnt make me wanna get well. So she placed me in good mood. Losing voice makes one subdued. And for now I will go for subdued. Keep focus. Make As. Now this blogging thingie can do damage to ur ego. I mean. Yeah. Find one day I'll print out all my entries and then burn this blog. Just wait.

MAY I MISS U. Know ure coming back and becoming sad again but aye. What the hell. I miss ur evilness. I miss ur devil-may-care ways. I am so ready to hear u whine abt how Spore sucks.

SICK OF BEING SICK OF BEING SICK

I got stopped by the MRT person to check my bag tdy. Thanks for makin me pissed. Do I look like I am smuggling some illegal shit? Maybe I looked like I was gonna kill! ARGHH. And I had 3 packets of tibits in my bag! All ur fault Del!

My throat hurts like no body's business. Let me be well again!

Adel bought fighting fishes. That gurl is crazy.

Man I love fishes!!!!!!! Just not in a tank.

Man I hate 206!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stocks are shady! No one play with it!

Am going down

Great. I just erased my entry with one button. I was saying.....
You used to tell ur best friend everything. Like DUh. U see each other almost everyday. Write it in a letter, send it and everything is fine and dandy again. Coz tmr u kinda forgot what u saID. But as u get older ur thoughts decay. They dun make much sense anymore. Cant even write it let alone say it. And once u say it u feel very much naked. Very much weaker. Yet if u dont u'll explode in all different directions! If you don't you'll never realise how stupid and small your problem is. If there's a problem at all.

--------------------------------------
You're not alone. Coz everybody's out there on their own. And you were one of the scene, trying to be like no one's ever been. Say what you mean or you won't mean a thing to me.
--------------------------------------

Its Embrace's You're not alone. Check it out wont ya.

I T ' S M Y P A R T Y =)

PReSeNtS
.....fRIEnDs
........fLOwERs
............BALLoOnS
................LAugHteR
.....................sMILeS
.........................HugZz
.............................LOveS

You ready to hear this? Well. This is my version. The surreal, but nice version. And these are the people who made it happen!~ I'm sorry I am not at all photogenic.


~AdeL~LeenU~FaRizaH~HuEyMieN~ShArOn~pEiShI~JoaNne~LinG~
DoRoTHy~WeI~JunLiN~ZhExUaN~ELaine~SeirYe~JuNchAo~JuNxiAn
~Alicia~Chew~wINg~SEreNe~yAbi~MicH~VeRoN~JoAna~Ian~


6 November
2.30pm -- Karaoke
Adel fetched me and my friends from JP and we checked out the karaoke room in the club. Leenu and Fari started singing backstreet boys coz the MTV was authentic. Man...I let them entertain me and tried very hard to appreciate the performance. Trust us to form a band (The Pissfuls)in Sec school. No wonder we only had one fan?! Not to mention one album!~ Gawd. Lets just say...its kinda obvious why I was the lead singer. =P Leenu (my stylist) gave me a make up kit as my present. Wow. I never loved looking at colours more. After some more boy bands, I was glad my other group of gurls arrived. =)They started singin S.H.E. Ha. At least it sounded like them!~

The Pissfuls 


5.00 pm -- Am I getting married??
Everyone was buggin me to get the make up done. Bleah. Okie...But then there was a crisis. My contacts were dirty. It stinged my eye so bad each time I tried putting it in. Everyone was concerned. At one point Leenu was reporting my first hand situation from the bathroom to the living room. " Ok! She has successfully placed the left contacts in and it doesnt sting! " Ha. Felt like some celeb. My stylist, being very professional, calmed me down and begun on the make up. So I spent abt an hour sitting on the toilet bowl with my gurls surrounding and fusing over me. Still, with each guest's arrival I worry abt how I'm gonna present myself with one eye. =P

MyStylist 

6.45pm -- Simply Red
Adel arrived with the lens solution but man... It had like a few drops left in the bottle and it din help. =( And it was really time to eat so I went down Jimmy's Garden semi blind. Lalala. Half of the peeps from NTU arrived soon after and well. They kept saying my eyes were red, just like my hair....

-----------------------------------------------------
Green eye shadow
Red, Brown, Pink, Blond streaked hair
Blue and yellow hand made flowers
Pink glittery ribbons
Blood red roses, Funky red puma jacket
Light Green RipCurl top
Pink Diary Planner, Pink martini CD
Snowy, ice white cake, dark brown chocolate rings
Black mascara smudged with tears
My Blood. Shot. Eyes.
-----------------------------------------------------

Bestfrens 

So after that I lost track of the time. I tried to entertain my guest. Failed horribly. Gave them cards to write. Told them to write anything but Happy Birthday. M tired of those two words. Warned them that lousy entries will be read out. ha. Some of them took it seriously. Which was awfully sweet. U look at them engrossed, trying to create something nice for u. =) See chew putting ink on Junxian's thumb so that he can make thumb prints on the card. Man..these two rock when they're together. I showed off my presents. Misplaces them. Finds them. Discover the presence of new food in the buffet menu with each table I visit. Messages. At that point, it didnt matter. Neednt care.

8.30pm -- Mich & Veron
Finally Mich and Veron arrived. With a bottle of lens solution. Took food for them...talked to them for a while and showed them my friends. A little voyeurism. Went to fix my contacts. It was better but still stung. I left it in and let it bite.

Mich&Veron 

9.00pm -- Do it the Crescent Style
Suddenly a cartoony version of the b-day song started playing. Cake on the table. Singing. =) Everyone standing. Its a little embarassing. Thank god Adel was with me. "~HaPpY bIrthDay to Hmm-Hmm...HappY bIrthday To Hmm-Hmm...~" Ha. My Crescent chums were obviously not satisfied with that version. They broke into another rendition, Crescent Style. I must say it was impressive. Only 12 people. And it was loud and clear. Only they couldnt call me Zann...So it was weiyuan. Embrassingly sweet. Adel's friends couldnt leave it aS that. And they showered her with their loyalty by bursting into another...

CrezChums 


I forgot what I wished for. Was too flustered to make one. Or did I make it thrice? Aye. Doesnt matter. The night itself was a wish come true. Then Adel's mum wished me a very sincere happy birthday. Her speech was impressive. Man. But I cant remember it.

Took part in a little gossip, introduced some people who didnt wanna be introduced. Ha. Got involved with saying silly things. Missed out on one table while at another. Saw some occasionally bored faces. Then my hp started ringing. Jo was coming =P My NTU friends looked like they were gonna kill time....
NTUchums 



Adel helped me entertain Jo and Ian when they arrived. I must say that she was much more composed than I was throughout the party. She rocks.

JoObviouslyDinLikeMyHair 


10.30pm -- goodBye
It was leaving time. My Crescent friends were the first to go. Hugs. Then my NTU friends. =) Its a damn pity I din get to hear them sing. So. Serene and Yabi decided to stay a while longer. I think they din want the night to end. I think they din wanna go home and study. So they welcomed me as an excuse. They waited for me to send off my guests. I took darn long. What can I say. Two. Very. Patient. People. I'm kinda thankful they stayed. I really wanted to do a movie. But I missed my post party pep talk with Adel. Ha. But I din think she missed me.

11.30pm - The Card Contest
Chilling at Mcafe at JP before movie starts. I was reading my cards...Yabi was watching tv and stoning. Serene was reading and sms-ing. I dunno how to say this. And I dun wanna say it the wrong way. But there's something with their company that is very different, especially contrasting after I came out of the atmosphere of a party. U can be there together physically. Yet u can be doing ur own things. And u don't have to speak. Ok. I'm already articulating it wrongly. But its real cool watching the two of them. I wonder if I can have that with anybody. Its like that Play I studied. People speakin words out of habit, without meaning, all the time trying to cover the nakedness that comes with the slience. Boy I miss listening to my lit tutor!! Okie. I was saying, was readin wei wei's card. And I couldnt make sense of it. Sounded damn incoherent. I left it as that. Was too tired. But tdy I read it again and realised she started from the bottom of the card and wrote it backwards all the way to the top. =P You. You win the card contest!~ Ha. Am proud of u. U're my gurl for a reason. We watched Princess diary 2. Man I was dozing off in the cinema. Can't remember the last time that happened. But Serene's laughter was funny. That kept me awake. After she laughs she'll go: " So stupid! What the hell!" Amusing.

CardContest 

Overall the movie was good. Gorgeous princess. Sauve suitor. Mesmerizing scenary. Good fantasy. Princess Mia herself just turned 21. =) How appropriate. After that...wallet lost, wallet found.

FishyFrens 


The Crescent Moon watched us
as we crusie the carless roads
Red lights
Many wrong turns (coz of me)
Bags filled with love
Keys.
Home.
Real.

I saw Travis sing acoustic live. On tv. On my birthday. The next day.
I nearly missed it. But u let me catch them sing driftwood. Aww man....
Its funny how u make me believe that everything happens for a reason...

-----------------------------------
Undeservingly happy
......Embarrassingly sweet
..........Condescendingly strong
.................Wilfully infactuated
-----------------------------------
I havent even told u abt the presents! Ha tell u when the photos come. Bottomline. I din know I'm surrounded with such good people. Love u peeps. =P

MyPreSents 

Will u look at that?!~ =)
Bi folded 68 flowers for moi!(Yes I counted)~ Never had those. =) And Jo gave me the ancient journal i wanted. And wrote poems randomly in it, so that I wont lose the love to write. =P And I got pretty much everything I asked for!~!!!!!! Heng I wrote that wish list!~ Books. Loads of them. CDs.... heaven.

FOOLISH AMBITIONS

I can't sleep. I wish I could dissect my head, rearrange the disorientated fragments that are clogging up the procession. Then fix it up again like a puzzle. Only the brain is not just a puzzle. Its maze. Damn I have the urge to do Math. Get that sense of satisfaction and assurance of deriving the right answer. Accurate. Correct. Irrefutably perfect.

Yet all things arent. There's the overcast of uncertainty. Millions of perhaps, Depends, Watever. There's always a But. A question always ends with a question. The answers u seek to find doesnt even exist. So u learn to put aside ur questions. Delay it. Disregard it. Forget about it. But each question left unanswered gives u nothing but doubt. Breeds insecurity. Causes skepticism. There's no other way. Just accept it the way it is. Save the trouble. Yet when u stop asking u stop living. If u're not interested in the whys then there's no point staying in here. So we need to ask. Even if we know there's no answer. Even if life has no purpose. Even if people are gonna look at u a fool. For thats the only ambition u should have. Albeit foolish to others. In the end its just u . u . u .

Damn I've digressed. Was talking about brain being congested. Redundant thoughts. I'd like a brainwash u know. Do u believe in such a thing? U watched the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? No? Well. The characters go to a place, articulate the memory u wanna erase. And then the process takes place. When u wake ur mind is spotless. Which memory do u wanna erase? Need I ask. The one that hurts the most. The one that caused u to be u. Like this. u . u . u .

Morrie, I bought ur story man... In fact I bought it 6 times. But words can't teach one to know how to die. . . Boy I'm glad to be alive.

Tainted

I've got a tainted mind
It wondered way out of line

All I did was let it dissolve in my mouth
The after taste left me to go for another
and another

Sucked me into your world
Adorn it with kisses

But then my tongue went numb
Had every taste go bland

Weakened my senses
Fueled me with madness

Then you say you've had enough
Then you say I've crossed the line
You said there's now nothing left to lose
But I'm afraid I've lost my mind

So the sweets, they're on the table
Ants crawling all over
help yourself.

I've got now, a tainted mind
With your sweetness lingering deep inside

CaK-ie

=) Am waiting for time again. To bathe. This time.
Just came back from the club. We spent around half an hour deciding on the cake to get. =P It's expensive. Probably the most expensive cake I will ever eat. But what to do, I fell in love with it. =P It reminds me of peace, ice, beauty. Ha. I'm a sucker for aesthetic pleasure. Its gonna be so cruel to cut it. Awwwwww....If only I was practical like Adel. We would never have gotten it.

Had one of my core paper tdy. Funny thing is, I was more afraid for my lit paper then this. I dunno why. Maybe i really wanna do well for lit. Maybe it meant something more to me. Anyhow it was kinda blank. As in..it was a matter of crapping. Hope I made it. Brb

Its 3 hours after that 2 paras and I feel kinda empty again. Bleah. Its stressful asking pple to come for ur party. Planning it. Cake. Location. People who cant come. Thats only 3 things. And Adel did most of it. Man I can never do big things. Man I am dreading saturday coming. Dreading it ending. Dreading life moving.

Wei wei is rehearsing for her presentation tmr. She puts soft toys on her bed so she can practice making eye contact with them. U know...As much as I always tell her that she sucks, she's the only person who can say the most simple and innocent things, and u'd believe her....guess thats why she rocks....=) Everyone just rocks in different ways. Gotta remind myself that. Happy party =)

Dumb Waiters

I'm waiting for the thing called time to pass. So that I can go take my lit paper. I wish u could give me luck. But of coz u can't. Unless I ask. But it wouldnt be the same. I need u to read this but ur not. I'm just ur dumb waiter. And ur someone elses. It's gonna be fine. Only it'd be so much more convincing if u told me so.